After all, I was his brother. I was better looking (of course) but Levi was still a catch.
Those bridesmaids that were jealous… they were the low hanging fruit.
Now the only thing low hanging were my balls because they were filled with sadness that they weren’t getting any attention.
To make matters worse, there was nothing to drink.
Here I thought Levi was sending a luxury car.
Something packed with drinks.
Knowing Levi, he probably did this to me on purpose. Because he was pissed about what happened at the cupcake place.
Which all worked out.
The cake was awesome.
I paid for the cupcake I ruined.
And I didn’t to hook up with the lady from the cupcake place.
Those were three wins in Levi’s column.
I checked my email over and over. I thought about work too much. At one point I lost my cell signal so I couldn’t even dick around on my phone anymore.
When the signal came back, the car came to a stop.
I took a deep breath.
It was show time.
I was the best man.
And some of these bridesmaids were to be walking funny by the end of this wedding.
I threw open the door and walked to the trunk.
I heard a click sound and I opened it.
“Sir, I can do that for you!” a voice called out.
I grabbed my bags and shut the trunk.
“No need,” I said to the driver.
I opened the front pocket of my one bag and took out a cigarette and lit it.
Smoking had passed me by a long time, to be honest.
There were rare times I would occasionally have a smoke. For fun.
Today was different.
This was to make Levi want to pull his hair out.
I took a deep drag of the cigarette and looked around.
It was like being on to of a mountain. Well, not a mountain. But we were on top of rolling hills. I understood what the phrase meant. The hills around me literally went down and up and down and up.
The place was a giant vineyard.
There were a few buildings right where I was standing but off in the distance I saw the hotel. It was a two story building, built into a large U shape. The exterior was built like a cabin. To give rich people from the city the feel that they were acting rugged and tough.
I threw my tux over my shoulder and started to walk.
As I approached a large, white tent with gigantic clear bulbs hanging along the sides, I spotted Levi.
Standing with Karen, his hand at the small of her back.
She wore an elegant emerald green dress. Probably to represent her love of money and the only reason she was marrying Levi.
Levi was in a suit.
I watched his nose start to twinge before he looked around and saw me.
I smiled with my cigarette between my teeth.
Levi became enraged and ran toward me.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Levi asked.
“What?” I asked. “I’m here on time.”
He grabbed the cigarette from my mouth and dropped it to the ground. “A cigarette? Seriously?”
“I’m taking the edge off,” I said. “The moment is building here, brother. Are you scared? Having second thoughts? I’ve been meaning to tell you… we should have a plan in place. In case you want to bolt. I’ll be your getaway driver. Deal?”
“You motherfu-”
“Lincoln, is that you?”
I looked beyond Levi and saw Karen approaching.
I put my bags down and dropped the tux like it was yesterday’s newspaper.
I opened my arms and moved toward her. “Look at you, Karen. You look goddamn beautiful.”
She waved her hands. “Stop. Have you been drinking?”
“Not yet,” I said. “Soon. Just wanted to give you a hug.”
“A hug?” Karen asked.
“A hug?” Levi asked.
“Okay, fine, I won’t hug you,” I said.
“You smell like cigarette smoke,” she said.
“The damn driver was puffing away like a chimney,” I said. “Hey. If you have any second thoughts, let me know. I can be your getaway driver. Or if you want to ride with the real brother, I’m always right here.”
“Thanks for making your presence known,” Karen said.
“He’s going to disappear for a minute now,” Levi said. “Right, Lincoln?”
“I’ll disappear faster than Karen’s libido when she sees you naked, brother,” I said to Levi.
Levi shook his head.
I looked at Karen again. “You look great, Karen. I’m genuinely excited to be here. Now, if you don’t mind… can I have a list of the bridesmaids, please? You can go in alphabetical order, or the size of their tits. And don’t judge me. You can go smallest the largest. All tits needs attention.”
“Christ, Lincoln,” Levi said. “Will