the status of human. I’m much superior.”
Marcus’s eyes narrow. “Are you picking on me again about my inability to properly greet humans?”
I can no longer hide my grin. “Perhaps.”
“Watch this.” Marcus holds his hand out. “Human, your hair is very red. It’s similar to the color of blood. I like it.”
Nick looks even more terrified, but he gives Marcus a forced smile and shakes his hand.
“Marcus is like a big fangy teddy bear,” I assure Nick, or at least I try to. He doesn’t look very assured.
We walk toward the house as Nick apparently questions every choice he’s ever made that led him to this point.
“Don’t worry, my dad’s not as weird as these two,” Aria promises.
My phone buzzes and I look down at a text from Orin.
Orin: Do The Hand, please.
Me: No! I don’t want to scare him off.
Orin: I’ll remove you from my will if you don’t do The Hand.
Marcus glances at me. “The Hand?” he questions.
“Don’t… don’t judge me, Marcus. Sometimes, you just have to do things you wish you didn’t have to do to make the people you love happy,” I say.
“Like sex?” he asks.
“Wait, what?”
He chuckles before kissing the side of my head. “I’m joking, clearly.”
Aria opens the door and pulls Nervous Nick inside. He’s sweating a little as Aria leads him into the dining room which is oddly dark. Like all the blinds are pulled, the lights are off, and the house is silent.
“Dad? What’s going on?” Aria asks as a light flickers on from the kitchen table, illuminating Orin’s face. He’s all in black, looking like a storybook vampire holding a fucking goblet of blood.
“Nick,” he says, and then he zooms over to us so quickly, I doubt Nick could follow him with his eyes, even though I could.
Nick leaps back as I press the release on my prosthesis and tuck my fake arm under my armpit.
“My arm!” I say very dryly as I hold what’s left of my arm up. I’m not an actor, and if Orin wants me to act like I’ve lost my arm, he needs to find someone else.
Poor actor or not, Nick must think I deserve an Oscar because he lets out a strangled sound and just drops to the ground.
We all stare down at him in horror as Orin’s eyes get extremely wide. “It was a joke! Aria was just talking about how nervous he was, and I thought I’d break the ice with a joke, you know?”
Marcus starts laughing. And we all know that if Marcus finds it hilarious, it should never have happened.
“There is something wrong with this family and I love it!” Marcus says as he smacks his leg. “You literally just made a human pass out from terror! I need to be taking notes.”
“Dad,” Aria growls.
“Was it too much?” Orin asks, like there’s a possibility any of us could say, “No, terrifying the human wasn’t too much.”
“Oh my god.” Marcus begins wiping away fake tears. “I had my doubts about this meal, and I see that they were all foolish.”
“I… I thought he’d laugh,” Orin says, clearly disappointed.
That makes me start laughing as Aria just gives us a look. Then she jabs a finger at Orin and Marcus. “You two leave, he’s starting to come to.”
“Do I get rid of the skeletons?” Orin asks as he flips the lights on and shows the Halloween plastic skeletons seated around the table.
“Oh my god. You’re a monster!” Aria says, but Marcus and I aren’t so sure because we’re laughing too hard to confirm or deny.
Orin assumes that means “Yes, you should” and takes off with the skeletons. Marcus hesitates before following him. So when Nick comes to a moment later, it’s just Aria and me.
Nick looks around in confusion before his face turns the same color as his hair.
Aria grabs his hands. “I am so sorry. My dad thought he was being funny, and he wasn’t.”
“It was kind of funny,” I helpfully add.
Aria gives me a look. “Do you want to go sit in time-out with the others?”
I shrug because honestly, it sounds more fun. “Sure.”
She ignores me. “I’m really sorry, and I would understand if you never want to see me again.”
He shakes his head. “No, I just… tripped. Your dad seems cool.”
She cocks her head. “Does he?” she asks, but I have to give the guy credit for still trying to push through it.
“Yes?”
Orin walks in, looking normal this time… or as normal as Orin can look in a pink suit jacket. “I’m