down into my lap, like someone laid a warm sandbag across my legs. When the vibrating started, I kept my eyes shut, but felt around with one hand. I felt soft fur and the nuzzling of Freyja’s head on my palm. She dialed up the purring even more, until the soft rumbles reached all over my body. Slowly, my throat and chest relaxed. My pulse started to normalize, and I dared to open my eyes.
Mariposa sat between my legs, her face inches away, and her hands still holding my cheeks. Her palms were soft on my stubble and she blinked away water that had accumulated in her eyes.
“Are you with me now?” she whispered.
“Yes.” I swallowed. “I’m sorry, I—”
“Don’t apologize.” She shook her head, thumbs caressing over my cheekbones. “Don’t ever apologize for what someone else did to you.”
“But I scared you.”
“You worried me for a minute. But I’m glad you’re back.” She pulled in a deep, tired breath. “In regards to your back, I need to make incisions to extract the arrows with minimal damage. I could pull them straight out, but that will shred the hell out of your muscle and skin. Your mobility is already affected, and I don’t want to injure you worse.”
“It’s okay. I won’t feel it.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about. They could still get infected. You’ll have a longer recovery time while those tissues heal.” Her hands lowered from my face, trailing for a brief moment over my collarbones until they rested on top of mine, on Freyja. “You believe that I would never want to hurt you, right?”
“Yes.”
Her tongue darted out to wet her lips. “And you trust me to know what I’m doing in a medical sense?”
“I do.”
She swallowed, her eyes cast down to our touching hands and the cat before looking back up at me. “And you know that I—I care about you. A lot. I don’t like seeing you hurt. I would have been devastated if you were captured. You’re not just my patient, but my friend. So everything I do is with your health and wellbeing in mind, okay?”
My pulse skyrocketed again, but for different reasons than before. I ached to find the words that echoed everything she said, with the same simple eloquence. But my words were gone, as they often were with flashbacks. And the poisonous part of me I fought so hard to keep buried, whispered to my brain for the first time in months.
She’s lying, like all women do. She’ll watch your blood spill and take pleasure in your suffering. And you’ll let her, because you’re a sad, submissive little animal in a cage. Doesn’t matter how far you ride on that bike. You’re always caged and you can never escape.
“Shadow?”
“Yes,” I bit out, harsher than I intended. If only grinding my teeth could crush the voices and darkness I fought tooth and nail to silence. “Yes,” I repeated—softer with a deep breath. “Thank you for being my friend.”
Her brow furrowed, noticing my discomfort. She squeezed my hands. “If I keep talking to you, will you let me use my scalpel to get the arrows out?”
Trust.
A new voice stepped in to join the ensemble cast in my head.
Trust, it repeated. Warm, familiar, and feminine. Love is not possible without trust.
“Freyja,” I realized.
You know what you have to do, son. The cat rubbed her head on my hand. Step into your fear. Show it how brave you are. Show this woman that you trust her.
“She’s talking to you?” Mari scratched near the base of the cat’s tail.
“You didn’t hear her?”
Mari gave a small smile. “Not this time. Whatever she’s saying must be only for you.”
I removed the cat from my lap, grimacing at the stiffness taking over my arms already. If I didn’t do something, I might not be able to drive my bike.
“Okay,” I turned back to Mari. “You can make your, um, incisions. Whatever you need to do.”
She searched my face. “You’re sure?”
I took one of her hands, a gesture that seemed normal and comfortable between us now. Her fingers opened and I laced mine between them.
“Keep talking to me? So I know where I am, and…who you are. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just…”
She squeezed my hand, leaning forward until her forehead touched mine again. Her other hand stroked lightly down the side of my neck. Such a simple touch felt too good to be real.
“I know, Shadow.” Still holding my hand, she pulled away with a warm, gentle