run back and hop on Shadow right then.
“Whatever comes up between me and the guys is on us to work through,” I said. “What, um, happened, was acknowledged and moved on from. I won’t deny that it’s awkward,” I added with a forced laugh. “But we can’t undo it. We can just move forward. And I’d like to do that by being your friend, Shadow.”
I had told him this before. But like most people facing trauma, he needed gentle reminders of safety. He needed to know that I genuinely wanted this, and wasn’t just giving empty promises.
Did he need to know about my ever doubling-in-size crush on him, and ridiculous sexual attraction? That was still up for debate. And putting my own desires aside for a strong, foundational friendship that made him feel safe, could only be a good thing.
“I…would like that with you, too.” His eyes flicked to my face before adding hesitantly, “as long as it doesn’t cause any problems. I don’t just mean with your men, but I know I’m still learning socially—”
“Shadow, you have more social grace and tact than many people I know.” I leaned forward and, after a moment’s hesitation, placed a hand over his. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re not behind socially on anything. You watch people, you learn and adapt. Considering we’re in a motorcycle club, I’m a bit shocked you’re as well-mannered as you are.”
“You think I’m well-mannered?”
“You are,” I laughed lightly. “There’s no thinking about it. I’ve never heard you say anything rude or in bad taste. Your mood is more even-keeled than Reaper, and you’ve definitely never stuck your foot in your mouth like Jandro or Gunner.”
He stared at my hand on top of his, dwarfed by his large palm. With the tiniest, hesitant movement, his thumb lifted to brush over the edge of my wrist. “No one’s ever told me anything like that before.”
I fought down the urge to touch more of him, keeping my hand still as I smiled. “That’s what I’m here for.”
“It’s like…” He trailed off again, leaning back in his seat as he began to slide his hands out from under mine.
“Tell me,” I urged through the ache in my chest as I sensed him retreating. “Don’t be afraid to express yourself, Shadow. I want to know what you’re thinking. This is just between us.”
He touched the tips of his fingers together, resting his forearms on his thighs. With a deep breath, he began again.
“Everyone is always telling me I’m improving. I’m doing better. I’ve come so far.” He swallowed. “Which is nice, I guess. But all of that implies that I’m still not good enough. I’m not there yet. I’m not normal yet.” His fingers laced together. “Like you said, I keep watching people to make sure I’m not being weird. I read psychology, history, all of that, to learn how normal people behave. I exhaust myself trying to remember everything, only to keep hearing the same things. ‘You’re doing better, Shadow. You’ve improved so much.’ You’re the first person to tell me that—” He pulled in another breath, this one shakier, as he looked at me. “That I’m already good enough.”
I leaned into him, my hands finding their way to his again, fingers nestling into wide palms that were surprisingly soft. If he didn’t hiss in a breath of surprise at the contact, I can’t say that I wouldn’t have kissed him.
“You are good enough,” I breathed, lips inches away from his. “As you are, right now. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, Shadow.”
His gaze dipped lower to our conjoined hands, moving his lips further away, but his forehead touched softly to mine. Slowly, his fingers unlaced from each other and closed around mine, thumbs rubbing down the backs of my palms.
“Thank you, Mariposa.”
“You can call me Mari, you know.”
“I like saying your full name.” There it was, that glint of humor and personality dying to come out. “Saying longer words helps me practice speaking.”
“You’re a natural at it already.” I leaned away and he released our hands.
His touch felt like it remained on my skin and I wondered if that moment felt anywhere near as intimate to him as it did to me.
“So.” The confidence in him had returned, eyes bright and hints of a smile on his face as he turned back to the sketches on his desk. “Did any of these appeal to you? Or did you want something different?”
Biting back my own grin at his lifted