want to deviate from that path. But you…you had me up against a wall in an opera house! You make me lose my control. You make me dizzy. And this isn’t anything I’ve ever felt before, anything I ever wanted before. And I didn’t understand how this could be me. I didn’t understand how this thing between you and me could be love.”
He put his hand on her cheek, his eyes filled with sadness so deep it made her heart squeeze. “For you, maybe it isn’t.”
She shook her head. “No. You were right. It’s different because you’re different. Because I’m different. Because I need to be different. I realized it then, Alik. And that was when I ran. When you said you loved me, I had to face the fact that I loved you, too, and…”
“You love me?”
She nodded, the words sticking in her throat.
“Then why did you…why did you walk away from me?”
“I was running. You should know all about that.”
He slid his thumbs over her cheeks, wiping her tears away. “Will you stop running from me? Will you stop running from us? I have. I tried to go back, Jada. I’m not proud of it. I tried to go to a club, to pick up a woman. I found I didn’t even want to. I couldn’t. I am too changed by what has passed between us.”
She nodded. “I am, too. I don’t want to go back, either, and that’s what scared me, Alik. That I’ve moved on. Finally. Really.”
He took her hands in his, pinned them to his chest. “I have broken down every wall inside of myself so that there could be nothing between us, and I swore I wouldn’t offer it again, but, Jada, my pride can burn in hell because if I don’t have you…there is no meaning. Pride won’t keep me warm. Pride won’t show me beauty. You are what I have been chasing all my life. This is the feeling. I thought I was dead inside, thought I could never, ever have this…and then there was you.”
Jada looked at Alik, at the man who had changed her. At the man who was offering her healing. “I’m so sorry, Alik.”
“What?” he asked, his voice choked.
“This is what I did to you, isn’t it? I dragged you out of your safety, out of your comfort zone and I made you face everything that scared you the most.”
“You did. But it needed to be done. Protecting myself…protecting myself from the pain of losing my mother would have kept me from truly connecting with my child. It would have kept me from connecting with you. From loving you.”
“I was so arrogant to think I wasn’t hiding, too. I was. I was hiding behind grief and excuses. I…I don’t want to hide anymore. Alik, please, please forgive me. Please love me. Please tell me it’s not too late.”
He pulled her in, crushing his lips to hers, stealing her breath. When they parted, she was dizzy. “Of course it’s not too late. In fact, I was planning on mounting a full-scale attack on your defenses.”
She laughed. “As if you hadn’t already!”
“I’m a strategist, remember? That’s what they pay me for. And I had a plan to win you back.”
“What was it?”
“I don’t remember. I discarded it somewhere between the plane from Brussels to Attar, then I spent days in a hotel room, sulking and then I went and got this.” He held his left hand up. There was a dark band tattooed around his ring finger.
“What is that?”
“My wedding ring. It doesn’t come off, which, I thought might make for a nice line about why you actually have to stay married to me.”
“Alik…”
She took his hand in hers and ran her finger over the band. “What does it say?” She looked up at him. “It’s in Russian.”
“Jada. And Leena. My family. I am committed to you, always.”
“What if I would have told you I didn’t want to be married to you?”
“Are you going to tell me that?”
“No.”
“Then it’s moot. But that was when I figured I would redraft a strategy and start working on ways to exploit your vulnerabilities.”
“My vulnerabilities?”
“Yes. For one, I thought I could take you to the opera and get you alone in a private royal box.”
“You are shameless.”
“Always. But now…only for you. I have tasted every empty, meaningless pleasure life has to offer and I’ve come to the conclusion that those things are only there to distract us from the real meaning in life. A