I know I’m not your wife. Well, I am, but you know what I mean. We aren’t in love. The vows we took…we didn’t mean them. I know that. I know someday you’re going to get tired of me and go back to doing what it is you do with women.” She took a deep breath. “I’m not your real wife. I’m also not some bimbo you picked up at a club.”
“I know that.”
“I don’t think you do,” she said. “Because you treated me like one last night. You left so fast it made my head spin. I’m not experienced at this. I’ve only been with one other man and not until after I married him.”
“You are married to me,” he said, “whether or not you love me.”
She sighed. “I suppose. But the point is, this whole sexual thing…I’m not sure what to do with it. I’m not sure how I feel and the last thing I need is for you to confirm what I’m afraid is true.”
“And that is?”
“Am I…is something wrong with me that I want this? That I don’t care if I love you, or if I even like you?”
“Sex doesn’t have to be connected to feelings, princess. In my experience it never has been. Sex is your body.”
“My body wants things that are bad for me. All the time. Take chocolate cake for example,” she said. “I love chocolate cake. With lots of frosting. And I would eat it all the time. I crave it. If I listened to my body I would be eating chocolate cake for breakfast today, but just because I want it doesn’t mean I should have it.”
“But that’s half of what makes it so good,” he said, for his own benefit more than hers.
Maybe that was all it was. Maybe that was part of the excitement of being with her. She was the last woman he should want. She was his wife, but he didn’t intend to make her his actual wife. Being with her like this was complicated and messy and bad.
Perhaps that was why his body responded so enthusiastically to it.
“It’s human nature,” he said. “To want the one thing you shouldn’t have. Forbidden fruit is sweeter.”
“Is that what this is?”
“Would you dislike it so much if it was?”
“I’m confused by it. I’ve always done what I should. I’ve always liked doing the right thing. But…what did it get me, Alik? What did it get me but hurt in the end? If I would have kept playing by the rules I would have lost Leena, too.”
“So play dangerous for a while, Jada. Play with me.” This he could do…this was easy. It certainly wasn’t anything new or different. A little bit of harmless sex. He’d overreacted. He could see that now.
“What about when it ends? It might be difficult.”
“Would it be any easier to stop now?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No. I don’t want to stop now.”
“You like living a little dangerously, don’t you?”
The color in her cheeks deepened. “Yes.”
“I thought you would.”
He advanced on her, intent on tasting her lips again. Lee-na’s sharp cry, carrying all the way down the stairs, made him stop.
“Sorry,” she said. “I have to get her.”
He wanted to go, too, he realized. But she didn’t need him. And he didn’t want to interrupt her. So he shoved it aside. It wasn’t important.
“I will see that breakfast gets laid out for everyone. A banana, for Leena, am I right?”
“Her favorite.”
He nodded. “Then I will make sure she has it.”
Jada lay back on the bed, utterly spent. She could hardly catch her breath. Alik was a ruthless lover. He made her beg. He made her scream. And she had no complaints.
She wanted to ask him to stay, but she really didn’t want to sound needy. Even though she felt needy. She didn’t want him to know.
He kissed her and she clung to him, still hungry for him. Maybe she could tempt him to stay with the promise of more sex. He certainly wasn’t going to stay and cuddle. He’d made that very clear and he’d kept that promise for six nights running.
Things were certainly hot between them. They were officially having a physical-only affair. She cared for him, yes. As the father of her daughter. But it was nothing truly personal to her.
You are such a liar.
But, very true to what he’d said at the beginning of their marriage—when had she started to think of it that way?—he seemed to keep sex and what