for Elias on the next available date, which wasn’t for two weeks. As soon as it was booked, I started looking for a natural opportunity to bring it up with Elias. The first one came on an evening when Dodge had left for the range with his gun-club buddies and the rest of the family, except for a dozing Eddy, were at midweek church. Cade made himself scarce when he saw me hovering around Elias. He knew how to take a hint.
As soon as I sat down beside him, Elias switched the channel to Lockup: Raleigh. “Kendra’s probation hearing is coming up,” he said. “Hearing the boyfriend’s victim impact statement ought to be interesting.”
“I thought you hated this show.”
“It’s grown on me. Makes my own family seem normal.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. I always figured that’s why my mom liked it, too.”
On the screen Kendra was speaking emphatically to the unseen interviewer, explaining why she felt she was ready to be released. I’ve been minding all my p’s and q’s, she was saying. If something’s poppin’, I stay out of it. I’m done with that kind of life.
“It’s sad, you know?” said Elias. “Five years she’s burned up in that place. Her kid barely knows her. Looks like about the only skill she’s got is surviving prison. Not something you can transfer to civilian life.”
“She seems pretty resourceful. She’ll probably find a way.”
He watched in silence, exhaling a slow trail of smoke. The heating pad rested against his thigh, its little red indicator light aglow. “You know, all that time I was over there, I figured I’d come home and get married pretty quick. I’d have some kids, buy a house maybe down in Liberty Gorge. It seemed easy, like a board game. Get off the plane, roll the die again. Figure out how many spaces you get to move.”
“You’ve only been back for, like, seven months, though. There’s plenty of time for all that. Who’d you expect to marry?”
“No particular person. I figured it would just sort of happen, the way everything else does. The natural progression. But I guess everything looks easier from a distance. Unless you’re Cade.” He rolled his shoulders and rested his head back against the chair, gazing up at the ceiling. “If you’re Cade, you can just skate straight on through all of it.”
“You know that’s not true. Cade and I wouldn’t be here if it was.”
“It’s a minor glitch. It’s not the first one he’s had. He flounces and cries and thinks the world’s going to end, and after you shower him with pity he ends up walking out of it without a bruise. It’s the way he is. Sometimes I envy it so bad I want to knock him out. I could live a long time on just a taste of that kind of life.”
The television showed a clip from a boisterous Lockup segment coming up after the commercial, but Elias’s gaze seemed far away. “Cade wants things to be better for you, too,” I said. “He made you an appointment at the VA hospital on Wednesday. Just a follow-up.”
He shot the quickest of glances at me. His eyes flashed surprise. “I’m not going.”
“Why not? It’s no big deal. I’ll drive. You’ll get some better meds, I’ll get a chance to get out of Frasier for a few hours—we both win. I’ll buy you lunch. Get you something other than Candy’s grilled cheese.”
“No chance.”
“It’s not until next Wednesday. Sleep on it. We’ll see how you feel once it rolls around.”
“I’m going to feel like shit once it rolls around,” he replied, his voice getting tighter. “Same as every day. Dodge had the nerve to say he’s taking me to work at the U-Store-It next week so I can stop ‘freeloading.’ Asshole. He’s gonna talk about freeloading, living in a glorified shed behind his in-laws’ place. Guy needs to be knocked out.”
“Just ignore him. Everybody else does.”
Elias grunted a reply. I stood up and rubbed his tense shoulders, and after a few moments he released a deep, slow breath.
“Your muscles cramp up when you stay in one position for too long,” I told him. “I think that’s why your back hurts so much. Maybe we could go for a walk once a day, huh? Just up and down the street a little. Loosen you up.”
“With you pregnant out to here.”
“Ah, so what. I could use the exercise, too. I’m sick of not being able to run.” I kneaded his muscles, first one