to know that I don’t have to.
“It’s super-effective,” she says. “So that also means that you could… You know.”
“What?” I ask, because I’m taking care to watch my traction. A thin layer of new snow is the worst kind to drive on.
“Be impatient,” she says. “And impulsive. With me.”
I give Chastity a quick glance and note that her cheeks are pink. And then it sinks in what she’s trying to say. So I apply the brake and stop the truck, right there on the dirt road. “I’m sorry, are you trying to tell me you want to go bare?” My dick is stiffening inside my jeans even as I say these words.
“Only if you want to,” she says, her color deepening. “It was just a thought. We don’t have to.”
“Sweet baby Jesus.” I tip my head back on the headrest. “And you decided to say this now? Before a three-week abstinence fest? Do you secretly hate me?”
Chastity lets out a nervous laugh. “No. I was trying to be brave about it and discuss it with you ahead of time. Like rational adults.”
“Uh-huh.” I put my hand between my legs, pressing the heel of my hand against my boner. “Except you mistook me for a rational adult. Right now I just want to rip off your clothes and do you. But I have to cut down a Christmas tree instead. Fuck my life.”
Chastity laughs. Then puts her palm on my thigh, which solves nothing. “Sorry. Rookie mistake.”
I cover her hand with mine. “I—” love you anyway. I stop myself just in time. “It’s okay,” I say instead. “I’m half teasing. But waiting for second semester just got, uh, harder.”
From the other end of the road, a car appears, so I let my foot off the brake.
“Sorry,” she says again, humor in her voice. “But you still have to think it over. Because it’s only something we can do if we’re, uh, only doing each other.”
Since I’m edging over to the roadside to let my neighbor pass, I don’t react right away. First, I wave at Mr. Connors and then turn to glance at Chastity. “Hang on. Let’s just be clear about one thing. I’m not sleeping with anyone else. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“Oh.” She blinks. “Okay. Good.”
I stop the truck again. “Did you seriously think I would?”
“No?” She looks uncomfortable. “But you have a lot of high school, um, friends who visit you during the holidays. And you never said…” She clears her throat. And then she falls silent.
“Okay, fair.” I sit still, my foot on the brake. Here it is—the moment I most dread. The big talk. I have a way of fucking these up. “I know I’m not good at planning my life or making promises. But I’m not going to hop in bed with a high school hookup over break, Chass. We’re too—” I choose my words carefully. “—close for that. I think our thing is our thing and just our thing until it isn’t our thing anymore.”
Chastity flinches.
“Okay, yep. That was the worst sentence ever composed in the English language. No wonder women get frustrated with me.”
“No—” She holds up a hand. “It’s honest. I’m not trying to force you into some big decision right now.”
“I know you’re not,” I say quickly. But I’m still fucking this up. The truth is that I want us to be exclusive. And I care more for Chastity than I ever did about a hookup. Or anyone else for that matter. I care about her a lot.
I don’t, however, say that. I could, but I don’t. Because that would open up a lot more discussion that I don’t feel ready to have.
“Okay,” she says softly. “So it’s just you and me for now. And you’ll let me know if that changes, right?” After she asks this question, she looks out the window, and I can’t see her face.
The subtext is pretty clear—she doesn’t plan on being the one who calls us off.
I reach over and take her hand, because I’m better at the physical stuff than I am at talking. I don’t know what to say to make this moment any less awkward. “Gonna be a long couple of weeks. Maybe we can sneak away at some point.”
“To where?”
She makes a good point. It’s not like we can go spread a blanket under the stars somewhere and spend time together. “We’ll think of something,” I mutter. It’s not just the sex, either. My family is going to drive me