I opened my bag and dug out my phone.
Indulging in the one guilty pleasure I allowed to appease my little side, I set my bowl of fancy mac and cheese on a pillow on my lap and queued up a bunch of toy reviews, squishy toy makeovers, and doll customization videos. An hour later, all thoughts of Daddies and Carson were gone as I curled up in my chair with Cinder and watched my favorite creator turn a plain doll into a beautiful mermaid with iridescent horns and a fully articulated tail.
My first yawn caught me by surprise. Rubbing at my tired eyes, I set my phone down and wrapped my arms around Cinder as I stood. Crossing the room, I laid her on her pillow beside mine.
“You stay here,” I said, stroking her back until she settled down. “I’m gonna take a shower, and then I’ll be right back.”
I stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I undressed and tossed my clothes into the hamper as I waited for the water to warm up. Without something to distract me, I found my thoughts returning to Red and Nate, to Carson and the club beneath his apartment.
Was he in the playroom talking to Nate? Was he playing with some other little? Was he having a tea party or playing with cars? Was he changing someone’s clothes? Giving them a bath?
Snapping out of it, I focused on the here and now as I sped through my shower. Not that that wasn’t typical. I cut corners wherever I could, and a quick shower meant lower water bills. Out in minutes, I slipped into a large t-shirt and some loose sleepy shorts. Leaving the bathroom light on, I cracked the door until a tiny shaft of light spilled across the floor in a budget version of a nightlight.
I snagged my phone from the chair as I crossed the room to my bed. I pulled back the covers and climbed in. Grabbing my body pillow, I tucked it between my legs so they wouldn’t touch and then wrapped my arms around the upper part.
Cinder wasn’t having any of my fidgeting as I got comfortable. Standing, she arched her back and stretched as she yawned. Eyeing me until I lifted my arm, she stepped onto the pillow, circled the spot a few times, and then curled up against my chest. Smiling, I draped my arm across her body and snuggling her in tight. She licked my arm a few times before laying her head down.
Smiling at my little spoon, I lifted my hand and gave her a good scratch between the ears. “Goodnight, Cinder. I love you,” I said, knowing she needed to hear it even if she couldn’t understand the words.
Closing my eyes, I tried picturing Mjölnir and Cynara as I drifted off to sleep, but visions of blue eyes, kind smiles, and strong hands flooded my mind. And I tried not to blame myself when I wondered what it would feel like to call someone like him Daddy.
Chapter Four
Carson
Thoughts of Miller wouldn’t leave me alone. I couldn’t ignore the tight ball of concern in my gut. I considered myself to be an intelligent, observant person, and yet it had taken me a solid day to realize just exactly what had gone wrong.
Miller had meshed so well with the group that it had slipped my mind that he didn’t share the rest of our interests. He’d accepted Red’s childlike quirks with ease, had laughed at Lee’s smutty behavior, and had even giggled at Chelsey’s thinly veiled threat to spank Niles when he’d annoyed her.
I looked over at my dining room table and replayed the scene in my mind for the hundredth time, pinpointing the exact moment when everything had changed. When Red had called Nate Daddy, Miller’s entire body had reacted. The blood had drained from his face leaving him as white as a sheet. His fingers that had been playing with the edge of the table clamped down as his pupils had dilated. He wasn’t one for moving restlessly while bored and wasn’t very expressive with his body when he talked. In fact, Miller was so calm that I couldn’t have imagined him being any stiller until I’d seen him turn to stone with a single word.
It seemed so obvious now.
I felt so stupid for not seeing it sooner. Kink was such a regular part of my life that I hadn’t connected Miller’s reaction to Red’s outburst. And now that he