with Joey. We saw a movie and went out to eat. We even listened to Phantom on our way home. Hearing Roman’s voice after so long felt weird and bittersweet. I was so happy for the time we had together and I would always love him, but I was choosing to be content. Joey asked me questions about him, but I diverted his attention with the prospect of ice cream.
I came home excited to be feeling a bit like my old self. I decided to blast the stereo and clean my house. Blink 182 came on. It was a song about Jack and Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas and something about missing someone. I listened without crying.
Huh…I am getting better.
I smiled and I cleaned hardcore for three hours, and when I finished, I felt good. I always felt as though I was on cloud nine when I had a clean house. I showered fast and contemplated reading a book. I hadn’t read in forever. My fingers skimmed over my beautiful book collection and stopped on The Storyteller by Antonia Michaelis, one of my favorites. I started to pull the book off the shelf when my phone rang, and I heard the song “My Sharona.” I went to pick up my cell phone, knowing it is Eve.
“What’s up?”
“You sound so good.”
“Feel kind of good, ya know? The meds are finally kicking in.”
“I am about three miles from the house, can I stop by?”
“Of course, you know you don’t have to ask.”
“See you in a minute.” She hung up.
I grabbed the book and went to sit in my reading chair. Five minutes later the doorbell rang. I opened it and Eve walked in.
“You cleaned your house, and before you ask how I know, I see the vacuum tracks.”
I smiled. I always tried to keep a clean house. It usually always looked clean but knowing it was felt like heaven. We sat on the couch.
“I talked to Phoebe today. I realized I haven’t visited as much as I should have.”
“You work, you have a new boyfriend, and let’s not forget Benjamin. Hey, has Benjamin bit the new boyfriend yet?”
“Twice.”
We both busted out laughing.
“Well, I don’t think Benjamin likes men. Maybe you should start dating girls?”
“Naw…did it in college. I prefer penis.”
“That’s what a vibrator is for, but I have to agree, penis is nice.”
“Hey, I made you something.”
My curiosity peaked. Made? She handed me a CD in a case.
“What’s this?”
“Well, last night I was thinking about you a lot. Thinking about all that you’ve been going through, and I had a deep thought I wanted to share with you.”
“Okay?”
I turned to face her on the couch.
“Jason. He didn’t break you, Beth. He made you fucking stronger, and that’s the way you need to look at that. I think it’s up to you how you choose to handle it. So choose to make it empowering. Let Jason and Tate be stepping stones that make you stronger.”
“Wow, you really have thought about this.”
“I want you to do something for me. I made you a theme song CD of empowering music that somewhat fits your situations. Your depression, Jason and Tate, your family, Joey…they’re all moments that have knocked you down and you have risen from them. I want you to take Beast and go for a long drive. I know how you love to drive and sing in the car. I already have a really cold twenty-ounce bottle of Coke in the cup holder, and as my gift to you, I will pay for one speeding ticket, just one.”
My eyes were tearing up. “Eve…this is the most thoughtful present I think anyone has ever given me. Not only are you going to let me drive Beast, you made me a mix CD. That is something cheesy I would usually do, so for you to do it for me is…” I jumped up and gave her a huge hug. “Let’s go.”
“No. You go. You need time to think about winning this war with your mind.”
“Okay.” I grabbed my shoes. “Do you still have my spare keys in your purse?”
“Yep. Now listen, tomorrow I’ll come here at eleven a.m. to trade back cars. You dress up pretty. Put on some makeup to show off those extra ten pounds you’ve lost. Then you and I will go to a nice restaurant and make a day out of it. Maybe I’ll take you to a Channing Tatum film.”
“It’s a date.” I hugged her again and laughed. “Excuse me,