reeked of post-orgasm clarity or perhaps regret in this case. Samuel wasn’t exactly being distant, but he wasn’t being close either. He never pulled away if Caleb touched him, and he didn’t orbit to a different part of the room as though putting as much distance between them as possible either. Yet, all the warmth and energy from before was utterly gone, and Caleb would have happily forked over money to know what was brewing in the other man’s head.
“You okay over there?” Caleb asked as they finally slipped beneath the blankets of the dark room, preparing to fall asleep.
There was a rustling as Sam twisted about, probably trying to find his perfect sleeping position. Caleb had never had much trouble himself when it came to falling asleep. Sam had always joked that Caleb had missed his calling in the military with how easily he could fall asleep, even when sitting upright.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” Samuel told him. A pause, and then, “Why?”
“I don’t know,” Caleb said, realizing he was lying but unable to stop himself. “Just wondering.”
“It’s so weird,” Sam said alongside another set of small rustling noises. “Being tired this early.”
“It’s almost midnight, Sam.”
“Yeah, I know. And I’ve been going to bed at like, eleven for a few years now. But damn, you remember how I used to crash at like, four in the morning?”
“Even when you had morning classes or work early. I remember. I always used to give you so much shit for that.”
“You did. Guess I wasn’t ready to listen.”
Caleb grew quiet at that, not sure what he was supposed to say. Not for the first time since he’d known Samuel, he wondered if they were having two different conversations, or if maybe Sam was just avoiding one conversation and using another as a distraction. It was something he would swear he’d seen the man do before, though Sam had always been hesitant to admit it.
“Well,” Caleb said, not sure what he would even say to prove himself right. “Then you should get some sleep. It’s probably best you don’t screw up your sleep schedule too much.”
“Yeah,” Sam yawned. “Probably a good idea. The last thing I need is to slip into old habits.”
“Good night,” Caleb said softly.
The silence felt heavy after that, punctuated only by the occasional rustle as Sam turned to angle himself differently. After several minutes, even that grew quiet, and Caleb was left to stare at the dark outline of the other man’s body as his breathing grew even and deep.
He was reminded of all the times they’d slept together while in Portland. Nights where he found himself doing the exact same thing and wishing he could reach across the distance and just simply touch him. In theory, touching Sam while he was asleep wasn’t exactly a difficult feat, the man slept like the dead most of the time. Yet feeling like the touch wasn’t welcome was something that always held Caleb back from indulging.
Once again, he didn’t want to jump to conclusions, to believe that they were already sliding back into old habits. Where they would come together, get along great, maybe have sex, maybe not, but always after the good would come the distance period. He would watch Sam slowly drift in the opposite direction, all while claiming everything was alright. And if confronted, would deny it and if pushed, would grow angry.
Caleb couldn’t do that again, he knew that. He didn’t want to assume, but he couldn’t repeat history either. If Samuel wasn’t any different in the morning they would have to talk.
It was the last thing to filter through his brain before sleep overtook him and dragged him down into blissful thoughtlessness.
The morning was not any better.
Once again, Sam had beaten him awake, though not by long. When Caleb pulled himself out of bed, it was to the smell of coffee and the soft sound of the maker bubbling away in the kitchen. After a quick trip to the bathroom, he joined Sam in the kitchen, who was pouring himself a large cup of the thick liquid he tried to pass off as coffee.
“I see you still drink motor oil,” Caleb noted as he grabbed a mug from the cupboard.
“It’s the best way to wake up,” Sam said, staring down at his phone.
“I think the taste is enough to wake anyone up quickly,” Caleb said as he poured himself a tall cup of it and dug around for his creamer and sugar.
Sam shrugged. “You can make another pot