what I feel right now, “I love you.”
“I love you, too, Damien. I think I have from the first time I saw you, but I know without a doubt that I will forever.”
“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, Izzy. I hope you know that.”
She smiles, holds my face in her hands, and then rests her forehead against mine. “You’re not only the best thing that’s happened to me, you’re the best thing that’s happened to our baby.” I rear my head back and she bites her lip.
“Are you… are you pregnant?” I ask in both shock and awe. “I’m going to be a father?”
“Yes. You’ll be such a great one, too, the absolute best.”
“How…”
She finishes the thought I can’t even speak. “I’m late. I was going to take the test tomorrow morning but I couldn’t wait and did it just now. Even without the positive sign, I know I am. And I couldn’t be happier. I hope you are too.”
There isn’t a word that can describe how happy I am, so I guess that means I need to show her. She giggles when I swing her into my arms and set about doing just that… like I intend to do every day for the rest of my life.
Epilogue
Damien
“He was always the logical one of all of us, somehow viewing things differently. When he spoke, he did it carefully, because he knew people would listen to what he said. Was he like that his whole life?” I glance at Baker to see him staring at the clouds. I barely know Brody’s brother, but it hurts me to see the anguish on his face. It’s clear as day that he’s suffering a tremendous amount of pain.
We all are.
He snorts. “Yes. Always. That’s why I came up here, to hear his thoughts. Get his advice. I’d tell him they were stupid, but I’d take every word he said to heart knowing he was right.”
“Anything I can help with, Baker?”
The twenty-one-year-old and the youngest sibling of Brody’s shakes his head. “Nobody can help me. Especially not now. I came up here because I knew he’d tell me what to do, and that’s obviously not fucking happening.” He lights up a cigarette and inhales deeply. “I miss him.” He blows out a puff of smoke, and it’s obvious the confession is an open wound.
“I do, too. We all do. My fiancée is beside herself with guilt. She comes here every morning and brings flowers and then sits and talks to him.”
He rolls the butt in his hand and then flicks it away from him. “It’s not her fault. And he’d be pissed she thought that. He knew what he was signing up for and knowing that he… that it happened because he was trying to save her, that’s exactly how he’d want it.”
“I know. That’s what I told her.”
“It won’t make a difference but tell her I said she shouldn’t feel guilty, and he’d seriously be upset if he knew she felt that way.”
“Maybe you can. Do you want to come over for dinner? She’s a fantastic cook.”
He shakes his head like I figured he would. “Thanks, but no. Maybe someday. My mind’s all fucked, and I wouldn’t be good company.”
“You have my number, man. Anytime you need it, use it. We don’t really know each other, but Royal is a family, and that makes you one of us. We’re all here for you if you need anything.”
“I’ve gotta get outta here. This place gives me the creeps.”
We do a quick hand shake/back pat. I purposely hold on to him a second longer, trying to give him some support that he so desperately needs but refuses to take.
Baker’s back is to me as he walks away, and I shove my hands in my pockets and then put one foot in front of the other until I reach the entrance to the hospital.
When I reach his bedside, I feel the same sting in my throat. The burn in the back of my eyes that comes when I so much as think about him. “Hey, man. I just talked to Baker outside.”
He doesn’t answer. He never answers. He can’t answer. His eyes are sunken in his face, and he’s completely unrecognizable. His body is frail and bony, and every time I see him, he gets worse. I can’t take looking at all the tubes and machines, so I walk over to the window where there are a million flowers arranged there. “He’s lost.