after they were born, that meant Dreama was their older sister. The idea of them as children, as small and defenseless, was both hilarious and endearing. I felt a tug of longing in the center of my chest. I wished I could have known them then, been a part of their world instead of growing up in mine. No one here had ever tried to convince me that my continued existence was some sort of charity that could be withdrawn if they found me unworthy.
“And it’s good to have my sister back, too,” added Dreama.
It took me a long moment to comprehend what she was saying, but when it finally dawned on me, I had no words.
She didn’t seem to need any. She looked over my shoulder and half-smiled at something behind me.
“I’m afraid I have to ask you to relinquish Bianca,” said Astor, and I almost melted at the sound of his voice, sliding over my spine like that, licking its way up my neck. Even though he’d been in the transport with me, he hadn’t said anything on the ride back, and it hadn’t seemed the appropriate setting for me to ask what all had happened after I’d been captured.
He and Mattis must have been frantic.
Astor finally turned to me, regret in his gaze. “I’m so sorry this happened.”
“You should be,” Torrin answered for me, and I shot him a look.
“This wasn’t Astor’s fault solely. It fell to all of us.” I kept my gaze on Astor as I spoke. “This is not on you.”
“No,” Mattis answered for him. He was still carrying Rae, but something had stopped him in his tracks. Probably Torrin’s tone. “It’s on me. I’m the one who lost you in the battle.”
I swung around. “How do you figure that?”
“I was around on that venture basically to keep you safe, and I failed at that.” He didn’t look away or cower, but he also couldn’t look Torrin in the eye. His resigned posture fit a man who expected his punishment, maybe even welcomed it.
Torrin cleared his throat. “Yes, it’s your fault, too. Absolutely on you.”
I couldn’t stand this. “If you guys want to be technical it’s my fault. If my glitchy heart hadn’t gone and picked then to act up, we’d have kept with the plan and none of us would have been caught.”
Torrin swung around completely. When he spoke, it was to his brother and Mattis. “Did you just not trust me? In all of my years sitting on the throne of bones, have I ever let anyone I care about die? Have I ever not rescued a rescuable person? Did you just decide I was too incompetent to be part of the plan?”
A muscle ticked in Astor’s jaw. “Maybe I just thought there was enough death. That we could do this in a sneaky, subterfuge kind of way and spare any more death of our people.”
“You think I take their lives anything but totally seriously? You think I have ever sent someone to death capriciously? That may be the most insulting thing you have said since I picked up the signal you were in trouble to begin with.” As he spoke, his voice rose on each word until he was downright shouting. Nox winced but didn’t look away. Mattis hadn’t been looking at Torrin to begin with and didn’t begin to now. “Not to mention that you put our wife in absolute danger. And I can see why she would have wanted to do this. I get her thinking. She’s just been exposed to it for the first time, so it makes sense she’d be looking for another way. But you should have known better. Both of you.”
Rae shifted in Mattis’ arms. Apparently, we’d woken her, and her voice was low and quavered when she said, “Is he going to start hurting people?”
“No,” I answered, fast, but realized I didn’t really know. That Reamer leader had been terrified of Torrin. Enough that he’d preferred to drop his weapon and die than risk having Torrin torture him. What did my fierce husband do to his people when they disobeyed? I had no idea when it came down to it.
“Maybe that’s the problem.” Astor seemed not to have heard my quick exchange with Rae. He was entirely focused on his brother. “At what point did we become okay with not looking for any other way?”
Torrin turned around and faced forward away from us. “Ideals of our youth aren’t important right now. Not when it