I just pressed and pressed buttons. All of them. I don’t even know what I was trying to accomplish. Maybe I thought if I could just make something from space happen, if I could make anything happen, then it had to be better than life was at that moment.”
I put my hand in his and squeezed. “And then my ship crashed, and here I am.”
He laughed, but it wasn’t joyful. “Turned out I was right. Something wonderful did happen. But now that girl is over there, and we have to rescue her. She’s my fault, too. And all those dead people. They’re my fault.”
I kissed his chin. “Astor, listen. You didn’t do it on purpose. Banging on machinery shouldn’t crash ships. That would be an unreasonable expectation. Also, if we wanted to blame someone, perhaps we could blame the Baron. Or your father for making it impossible for Torrin to do anything about him. Let’s do that instead.”
He took my cheeks in my hand. “You would make me better than I am. The fault lies with me. And…I don’t think we can communicate the way you want to. Many have tried. The Reamers are nothing but monsters. I’m afraid we’re going to have to attack.”
“Then let’s plan one. Get it over with.” I wasn’t as quick as he was to reject the idea of using the ancient ship’s comms panel, but if he’d pressed every button up here and hadn’t gotten a message out, he was probably right about the communications being broken. The system would need to be repaired, and even if I could teach Astor to read some of those paper manuals and figure out wiring and such, we didn’t have time.
More specifically, that girl, whoever she was, didn’t have time.
“As you know, planning military assaults is not my area of expertise. I have no idea why Torrin wanted us to come up with a plan.” His tone was still hesitant, but his face had relaxed. Tentatively, though. He was like a caged animal at a zoo, dangerous but conditioned to fear. People who’d been hurt a lot and didn’t have a way to make it stop or fight back could get to this point. I’d had students who had endured bully attacks so cruel, they had no idea how magnificent they were, and leading them out of that place of fear was more than a day’s work.
But Astor was worth my effort, even if it took months, years. The rest of my life. I was committed.
“Maybe because he knew we wouldn’t just run head-first and screaming at the enemy? Besides, you’re the son of the former leader,” I told him. “Military operations are so common here that your people fight off an invasion in the morning and feast that same night. So even if you haven’t planned out movements of armies, you know how to mount a rescue operation. I am certain you do.”
I wanted to shine my faith right into his eyes, blind him with it until he believed. You can do this. We can do this.
He stared hard at my chin, at his hands still cradling my face. When he moved a thumb slightly, the touch sent a shiver through me. I wanted to kiss him again, but if I did that, we’d never get a rescue planned.
On the other hand, this was Astor’s and my first day…and night. Part of me wanted to forget about the girl in the Reamers’ camp and give myself over to another mind-blowing experience with one of my husbands. However, that part of me was deep id, and I knew I wouldn’t indulge it.
“I am fairly good at sneaking,” he said, almost musingly.
“Sneaking rather than fighting our way in sounds perfect.” I turned my head slightly, brushing my mouth over his thumb in a kiss. “Tell me more.”
“If we approach both Mattis and Nox regarding this rescue, they’ll want to storm the Reamer camp and get us all killed. Well, except you, and they’ll want to leave you behind.”
“Not happening.”
“I suspected you’d say that.” A muscle in his face moved, like a nascent smile. “If we use that transport Nox brought you in with, we can get close to the Reamer camp, but we’ll have a short hike still on the far side. I don’t like it.”
“I’m not a flower.”
“But I’d be a fool to endanger you unnecessarily.”
I shook my head. “Listen, I need to come. She doesn’t know any of you. And not that she’ll know me, but