too far?
The howls in the air sounded like they were in the room with us. I forced myself to tune out the noise, giving into the forbidden urge and pressing my hips down until my most sensitive parts were flush against his.
He moaned. “You might be trying to kill me.”
I smiled. My body seemed to be vibrating. I’d never had a sensation like it before. “This is all new to me.”
He quieted for a second. “Feels like it is new to me, as well, which is…remarkable. Let’s stop. And not because I don’t wish to continue, but because I wish to have my numbers on you when we officially join.”
That was a big deal here. Ownership. Those numbers… Prison markings that they’d passed down? I didn’t know yet, and I wasn’t going to spoil this moment with those kinds of questions.
Instead, I let him pull me down until I lay next to him, his leg strewn over my body, the blankets over us. The howls were still there, but I cared less.
No way was I going to be able to sleep now.
He kissed the end of my nose, both of my eyes.
I closed them.
Morning came slowly. A pelting noise roused me, and I quickly identified it as rain. It was raining. That was…so normal. Everywhere had rain. I smiled. Next to me Astor slept, deep breaths telling me that he was still plenty out of it.
I’d never been a person who could entirely sleep through the night. I was always up and down, anxiety about the next day or worrying about my health, warring sometimes with wanting to argue with Brent and knowing that wasn’t allowed. Here, things weren’t entirely different. I’d been up a lot, this time because of the Howlers.
I did like how it felt to be smushed up against Astor. I kissed his arm, and he stirred. I was going to have to wake him. He’d pinned me down with his body, and I needed to pee.
He rolled over, muttering something, which freed me to get up and use his facilities. Shivering, I hurried through the motions. It was cold in here. Ridiculously so. The fires he had burning were entirely out, and I didn’t know if it was okay to relight them or if I’d even know how.
Could I figure it out?
Coming out of the bathroom, I found Astor leaning up on his elbows, rubbing his eyes. “Bianca. I see I didn’t make you up in my head. You do exist, and you are just as beautiful as yesterday.”
I must have been bright red.
Sounds of vehicles caught my attention, and we both looked toward the outside door. He jumped to his feet. “They’re back, and they’ll need me. If there are injured, I’ll be very busy. Come. Let’s see what’s happened. Oh, the clothes you were given to change into are at Mattis’. We’ll collect those later.”
When we’d gone to bed, he’d said today would bring new troubles, it always did. I could see he was right. But I saw the world with new eyes this morning, with… I don’t know. Confidence maybe. I could help, by reading the books and doing women’s work, and maybe… A plan was forming in my mind to see if I could teach not just Astor to read, but maybe some of the women, too, so they could have other services to offer in trade. I was beginning to see myself as part of this society and how I might fit into it.
It didn’t even feel so strange anymore.
Okay, the skull throne? That was still strange. That would never stop being strange.
Astor had thrown on a fresh shirt over the leggings he’d worn to bed and was swiftly gathering materials, including a jar of the stuff that we’d drunk last night. This one had a red-wax stopper and some numbers etched into the ceramic. He caught my stare and grinned. “I told you it was medicinal.”
“Aha,” I said, finger-combing my hair and dragging it back into a tie. “You drugged me into behaving the way I did.” Not that I felt even the slightest bit of embarrassment or shame. As a devotee of the ancients and holies, I had certainly turned into a failure. Not that I was so concerned with that right now.
“Oh no, lovely girl,” Astor said, dropping a quick kiss on my forehead, “that was all you in the dark. And I shall carry the memory of it constantly, until we can replace it with another.”
“Or we