down?” She’d managed to be anonymous til now, but if she kept shouting it’d be a whole different ball game.
“You have this notion about what I should be and I don’t live up to your expectations. Talk about me being a control freak.”
He was shocked, the truth of what she said slapping him in the face. He did want her to be different and he was disappointed she couldn’t show him her truth, her real self. He clenched and unclenched his fists, struggling to know how to react.
“I know, Jake. I know you found me out. You know my eyes are green, my hair is blonde, and that I don’t have such good teeth. But you don’t understand why I do it.”
He chose rage. “I don’t care why you do it,” he barked.
Hands thrust on her hips she said, “That’s a dirty lie.”
“Who are you—living a lie—to call me a liar?”
“I live a lie because it’s the job.”
“Ah.” Jake shook his head in disgust at her continued deceit. “This conversation is so over, we’re going back to the hotel.” He turned his back on her.
She shouted, “No, it’s not over. We’re not over.”
He wheeled around. People were looking their way. He kept his voice level. “We were never anything to be over.”
She took off her sunglasses, flashed those fake violet eyes. “I feel this—this thing for you.”
He snarled, “Well that’s your problem, darlin’.” And this time when he aimed for cavalier, he precision nailed it, and her flinch was his reward.
But she wasn’t done with him. She spoke low and hard, her voice rasping in anger. “I live a lie because I don’t like the person I am, and not being her all the time is the only way I can get by. I live a lie because I’m stronger this way. I’ve had to make up this life, Jake. There was only Rand to help me and he was making it up too—we were just kids. Can you possibly understand how hard that was—how hard it was for us to be here and not on welfare or in jail or dead?”
Jake was breathing hard, as if he’d run a soft sand marathon.
“No, I didn’t think you could.” She took a step towards him, thrust her chin up. “Being this Rielle Mainline is the best I can do. The other one is just regret, a pale imitation, and if you can’t accept that, then yeah, you bastard, you’re right, it is my problem.”
She tried to step past him, but the sand was loose and it was hard to move quickly. He caught her in two easy strides, snatching her arm. She pulled against his hold, without turning around. “Let me go.”
There were plenty of eyes on them now. He needed to get her out of here. “I’m sorry.”
“Too easy, Jake. I don’t do easy.” She broke away, but he stepped around her and blocked her path.
“I didn’t understand and it does matter. You’re right. I wanted you to be someone else. I wanted you to be real. I was angry when I figured out you were the girl in the gym, but I have no right to want to change you. None at all.”
She dropped her head, stared at the mini mountain ranges in the churned up sand at their feet. She looked suddenly spent, nothing left to fight him with, nothing left to make him care. “Do you hate me?”
He exhaled, pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head. “I don’t hate you. I did this morning when I figured it out, but you’re hard to hate, Rielle. You’re confusing as all hell, but I don’t hate you.”
She pinned her eyes on his. “I could do with a friend, Jake. Just for the tour.”
It was odd how a little shouting could make you feel better. His rage burned out the moment she dropped her eyes to the sand. Now he felt depleted, off balance. He had thrilled to Rielle as the rock star and lusted after her as the mystery girl in the gym. That they were the same person made his head spin and he couldn’t sort out his feelings.
“I don’t know, Rie, but I can try.”
28. Intervention
Lying on his side, Rand watched Harry. Curled beside him, warm and soft, abandoned to her dreams. He dared not move in case he woke her. He wanted this moment to be a long-play track, to stretch heroically forever. After two nights, he couldn’t imagine not wanting to wake beside