her, stand up to her and love her in a way she’d never been loved. Because he did love her, with his heart on his sleeve, out there in the open, pumping away, where she could poke and prod and crush it.
God, how stupid she was to get so deep with him—it was supposed to be a distraction. Why was it she was sitting here thinking it would be fun to meet his parents, see who he resembled, and have a home cooked meal? How the fuck had she let him get so close, get under her skin and become the main game?
“You couldn’t bloody sit still could you?” said Rand, surprising her out of her state of introspection.
“Am I disturbing the creative genius at work?”
“Ah no, but you’re definitely disturbed. What gives?”
She bounced her boot heel on the carpeted floor. “Nothing.”
Rand sighed. “That’s why I love talking to you. You’re a font of information.”
“I’m all right if that’s what you want to know—after, you know.”
He looked up and studied her face. “I can see that. Whatever you did to get yourself together was a good thing. No more ‘if only’, Rie. It’s time.”
She would’ve protested but fucking hell, it was enough for Rand. He didn’t need to know it wasn’t over for her. Would never be over for her. He deserved a normal life without carrying her baggage as well. So she nodded. And she figured he trusted that about as far as he trusted Jonas was doing well in rehab. And she sat by Rand while he worked and she thought about how it felt to talk about the accident with Jake. How it felt to show him why her real self was no good. She felt scoured clean from the inside out, as though a fresh start was possible for a person like her.
“Was it Jake?”
Rand was watching her. “Was what Jake?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “You need your music back, Rie. If you won’t keep Jake, you need to get your music back. God knows maybe he can help you with that too.”
She looked away.
“Ah hell, Rie. He’s good for you, why can’t you see that? I bet you’re treating him like shit and good guy that he is, he keeps backing up for more, hoping you’ll change.”
“Ah—”
Rand cut her off. “Yeah I know—it’s like a religion with you. People don’t change. And you know what’s funny about that? You don’t believe in religion.”
Rand went back to scribbling and Rielle sat still but her gut rioted. “He invited me to have dinner with his family tonight.”
“Cool,” said Rand mid-scribble.
“Not cool.”
He looked up. “Why, because it’s someone’s family?” He glared at her. “Shit Rie, you can’t do that one thing for him after what he’s done for you?”
Rand knew exactly where to aim. Rielle felt his comment like the kick in the engine of the Harley, all engineered force and power but she fought back, flailing in the face of what she now recognised as the deepest truth. She loved Jake. “What’s he done for me?”
“Now you’re being wilfully stupid. He’s in love with you and the whole frigging crew knows it. You know it too.”
Her face felt hot. “So what, I didn’t ask for that? What am I supposed to do with that?” The nausea in her gut roared.
“Listen to it.”
“What does that mean?” She looked down the corridor. If she didn’t get out of this conversation she might throw up.
Rand caught her chin in his hand. “Stop making it so complicated.” She stilled and blinked her distress at him. She was not going to cry. She was not going to make this his problem. “Listen to your heart and quit talking yourself out of the best thing that’s happened to you in a long while.”
“But I’m no good for him.” She would take Jake’s goodness and poison it with her blackness. She would trash his honesty with her need to live her lies. Rand head-butted her lightly. “You don’t think he doesn’t already know what an insecure bitch you can be? But he keeps showing up doesn’t he?”
“Until one day he won’t.”
Rand released her and Harry appeared out of a doorway along the corridor and gave them a wave. They were ready in the studio. Rand waved back and stuffed his notebook and the scribbled on napkin into his satchel.
“True.” He stood. “But then you could do something about that if you weren’t so pig-headed.”
“What can I do about it? This is who