can’t get the words out. When he reaches my desk he places a paper on top of the worn wood. “I’m Mr. Williams,” is all he says with a warm smile. Someone must have told him about me, or he heard about it in the news. I’m surprised that there is no pity in his eyes. He must be one of the youngest teachers I’ve ever seen. Usually they’re old and nearing retirement, but he must be in his early twenties. He has chocolate brown hair and striking green eyes. The girls are going to go crazy for him.
Mr. Williams turns back to the rest of the class. Looking at the piece of paper, I see it’s a layout of what we’ll be covering in class.
I might just be able to do this! The thought hits me as I’m walking to my next class. My chest fills with hope.
“You’re going to be just fine,” I whisper to myself.
~*~
That flicker of hope I felt earlier this morning … yeah, it’s nowhere in sight as I enter the cafeteria. I feel every eye in the room focus on me. I feel like some kind of freak.
It’s my turn to hook my arm through Natalie’s, as I try to draw some strength from her. With my appetite totally gone, I only get a salad. We take a seat at our usual table and I keep my head down.
I’m picking at the salad when a girl walks up to us. Everything about her is black, her hair, her make-up, her clothes, her nails – like every single thing. She gives me a long look. Finally I can’t take it anymore. “What?” I snap at her.
She tilts her head and then finally asks, “I think you’re gonna do it. I have a bet with my friend that you’ll kill yourself. My friend thinks Seth will kill himself first, but I think you’ll be first to end it all. I mean,” she shrugs as if we’re talking about the freaking weather, “I’d kill myself. I won’t be able to go on if I was locked up in a dark cage for so long, no hope of ever getting out. That shit must’ve screwed with your head, you know, make you all crazy?” She shrugs again, “You know what I mean?”
My mouth drops open while she’s telling me this. I throw my fork down and I’m about to get up and slap some color into her, when Natalie grabs hold of my arm and says, “She’s not worth it! Don’t let them get to you.”
I pick up my fork and stab a tomato instead. The weird goth-girl shrugs again and goes back to her table.
“Seriously, don’t let them get to you. She’s the crazy one.” Natalie tries to make it better but that girl’s words hit hard. What if that’s what everyone is thinking? Are my parents waiting for me to commit suicide? Is that why they’re so nervous around me? What happened to me was bad, but not so bad that I’d kill myself. I just need time to get over it.
Natalie says, “He keeps looking over here! I told him what I thought of him. Maybe he didn’t get the message loud and clear. I should go over there again!” I’m surprised by the sudden anger in her voice. She didn’t lose it with goth-chick but she’s red in the face right now.
“Who are you talking about?” I follow her line of sight. The second my eyes lock on a pair of blue ones, I regret looking. I used to dream about those eyes, I remember with a pang of loss. I quickly look away, breaking the brief contact between us. “What did you say to him?” I shouldn’t care but I can’t help myself.
Natalie rolls her eyes. “I gave him a good piece of my mind. I told him I think it’s disgusting that he’s here after what his dad did to you.” My heart starts to race as she says this and then she adds, “I also told him I don’t know what you saw in him, but I’m sure glad you’re over him.”
I can’t believe she said all that to Seth! My heart is hammering in my chest. I stand up so fast my chair topples over. The world is closing in on me! I can’t suck in enough air. I run from the room, needing to get outside. I hear people whispering but soon the sound fades away.
I don’t look where