could have gone to the police and put a stop to it. What they were doing was vile and illegal!’ Her stomach was only just holding things together. She couldn’t get the images out of her mind. Men and boys and Guy serving drinks to them like it was normal.
‘I needed the money!’ he yelled. ‘I was desperate, Emma! I wasn’t using the money for luxuries! I needed the money just to get by and to get out of there. If not for that job I might still be there, an alcoholic like my mother was, perhaps dead!’ He let out a sob, palmed his hands against his face.
*
He could see from her eyes it was over. She couldn’t look at him, had separated herself from him on the other side of the boat. But he couldn’t stop now. He had to tell her the whole truth. She deserved to know who he was and who he wasn’t.
He blew out a breath, ran his palms over his face to wipe the tears away. ‘The day we were leaving. When you came to Tasha’s caravan… I was not with her.’
She lifted her head from looking at the floor. There was so much fear and pain in her expression. He was sure what he was going to tell her was only going to make things worse rather than better. But it was honesty. They had never started with honesty and even if they were going to finish, at least it would be a truthful end.
‘I wanted to leave with you so much. I loved you so much. Every word I said to you, every plan we made, everything we talked about, I meant everything, Emma,’ he began. He saw her lips tremble. Perhaps there was a chance. If he was brave enough now to give her the whole story. Perhaps the memories he carried with him would relent if he finally let them go.
‘David called me. He told me some of the group were coming to the hotel early. He asked me to collect the keys.’ He paused, shook his head. ‘To collect the keys from Keith.’
He closed his eyes, transferring himself back to that time, that moment when everything had been turned on its head.
‘I’d been playing football with the kids. I’d taken off my shirt.’ He opened his eyes, looking at her. She was waiting to hear what he was going to say and he still felt so much shame.
‘There was no answer when I knocked on the door. I went in and he called to me and there he was… in the bed.’
He watched Emma put her hands to her mouth again. He knew she was caught between wanting him to stop talking and needing to hear the truth. He hated himself, had hated himself for so long, he was under no illusion that she wouldn’t feel the same. He had nothing to lose now.
‘Before I could do or say anything he had taken photos, of me, with no shirt. I asked him for the keys and he just laughed. He said we both know what you’re really here for. But I wasn’t. David had set me up. He knew how much I needed the money and he thought I would… but I didn’t do anything, Emma, I swear it to you!’
*
He looked haunted. That was the only word she had for the way he looked now. The wind had risen and it was blowing his hair, his shirt rippling against his body. She was holding her breath, biting her tongue, internally begging God not to let this be what she thought it was. Was he telling her the truth?
She’d seen the bed but she hadn’t seen who was in it. Guy hadn’t been with Tasha, it had been Keith.
‘No!’ The word came out long and gut-wrenching as she sank to her knees, bowing into herself.
‘I didn’t do anything, Emma. I wouldn’t do that. I know I took the money for keeping their secret and I know that was wrong but I wouldn’t do anything else… nothing like that.’
Every ion was crying out in pain. She felt it like a thousand hammer blows on every inch of her body. She just wanted it to stop. She didn’t want to know it, she wanted to un-know it.
‘I walked out as soon as I realised the situation. I was leaving. Nothing happened. Then you were there and you were hurt thinking I had been with Tasha and…’
She couldn’t respond. All she