say the same. The guy who dropped me knew what he was doing.”
“You hurting?”
“Some,” he said. “I pissed a little blood this morning.”
“You should have a doctor check it out.”
“I’m on medication right now.”
“I know,” I said. “I can smell it on you.”
I shook his hand and said good-bye to Lee. Lloyd kept his eyes on the television, his mouth piped and jaw ajut, like an emaciated Douglas MacArthur.
* * *
I SPENT THE REMAINDER of the afternoon running between offices downtown, standing in lines, being fingerprinted, and filling out forms in triplicate. By the time I was finished my hangover was gone, and the previous night’s activities had become a romantic memory. Which is to say that I was ready, once again, for a drink.
But first I had to make another stop, to see a guy McGinnes and I knew, a whale of a man who went by the alliterative name of Fat Fred.
NINE
SOUVENIR CITY WAS a small shop on Ninth between F and G run by Fat Fred, whose real name was the somehow even less appealing Fred Bort. Fat Fred had worked with McGinnes and me on the Avenue for a brief period in the late seventies, until the company got hip to the fact that he was fencing goods stolen from the store. He stayed in the fencing business, opening this store as a thinly veiled front. McGinnes called the place, which sold an indescribably garish inventory of useless trinkets, “Souvenir Shitty.”
Fat Fred had been a fair retail salesman, though he lost more than a few deals due to his appearance and lack of hygiene. Besides hovering at an indelicate two eighty, quite a load for a man who stood five feet seven, he smelled like an ashtray and apparently showered only on a novelty basis.
Fat Fred was in the rear of the shop when I entered, a lit weed in his hand. He took a deep drag from it and blew a cloud my way as I walked up to greet him. He was still buying his clothes from the “Work ’n’ Leisure” department at Sears, and his hair, which was plastered to his scalp in topographic sections, resembled black spinach.
“Nick,” he said.
“Freddie. What’s happening?”
“You’re looking at it.” He waved his club of a hand the width of the store. “Slow tourist season. Must be the murder rate thing.”
“What about your other business?”
He grinned, then wheezed, “What can I do for you, Nick?”
“You still do licenses?”
“Sure. What did you have in mind?”
“I need a relatively authentic private investigator’s license, D.C. style. Can you swing it?”
“Yeah, not a problem.”
“How much?”
“Say, thirty.”
“Say twenty, Freddie. And when you take my picture, take four extra for the real thing.”
He shrugged and motioned me to the side of the shop, seating me in front of an old-fashioned box camera. “Turn your head to the left some,” he said, looking down into the viewfinder. “You don’t want that black eye showing up on your license. Good.” He took the shots.
“How long will this take?”
“Not long. Spell the name and address you want to use on the card.”
I did that on a piece of scrap paper and asked, “Will this thing pass?”
His jowls shook with his nod. “I wouldn’t go flashing it in front of D.C.’s finest. But, yeah, it’ll pass.”
I walked around the shop. Sweatshirts and T-shirts seemed to be Freddie’s big number, the cheap Indonesian variety that begin to fray before the tourists reach the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Likenesses of President Bush and his first lady were decaled on some of these, stars haloed around their heads. I noted with some pleasure that, even when it was the artist’s job to make Mr. Bush seem strong, he still came off as the seventh-grade music teacher whose ass was kicked at least once a year by that particularly gene-deficient brand of student who always seemed to disappear or enter the Marines by high school.
In the center of the store were souvenir racks full of salt and pepper shakers and paperweights, all in the shape of monuments. One of these racks held dinner plates and mugs, on which were enameled the “sights of Washington.” I picked up a plastic sphere half-filled with water containing a tiny Washington Monument, and shook it. Snow fell over the Ellipse.
Fat Fred emerged from the back room about fifteen minutes later with my card. It certainly looked official enough, though I had no basis for judgment. What in the hell did I think I was doing?
“I laminated it,” he