moment, and then he nods. “I don’t either.”
“So let’s talk?”
His voice sounds hoarse with controlled emotion. “Where do you want to start?”
It takes all of my courage, but I start to let it spill out. “I felt so disrespected when you made the plan to capture Rizban without even telling me. It would have been so easy for you to keep me in the loop, and you didn’t even bother. That was really scary for me. And it’s not just that. I need to know that you trust me. That you feel you can count on me.”
He listens, and it seems like he’s trying to process what I’m saying. “I understand why you would feel that way,” he says eventually. “I guess I just didn’t think telling you was important. I thought the situation would feel more realistic if you didn’t know what was going on. But hearing your side of it, I get why you would feel disrespected.”
“Not just disrespected,” I tell him. “Scared. I thought I was going to get arrested. I thought we were in real danger. If I’m going to be your partner in life, you need to tell me things.”
He steps forward, just a little bit, as though he wants to touch me. “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I’m sorry.” He looks like he’s being very careful with his words as he continues: “I hope you know that I do respect you. You saved the whole mission when you cleared out the hyperdrive vents. You’re a smart, capable person who can handle yourself in most situations, and I’m very aware of that.” He pauses. “But Kora, in some situations, I need you to defer to me. I’m the Vostra captain here. I know this world far better than you do, and when I make a decision, there isn’t always going to be room for argument or discussion.”
I look back at him, the obvious emotion running through his words creating a lump in my throat. “I understand what you’re saying,” I say hesitantly. “I know that sometimes, I just need to listen to you. I guess sometimes I could be better about that.”
“Trust goes both ways,” he tells me gruffly, and I get the impression that it isn’t easy for him to open himself up like this. “When you told me I couldn’t spank you anymore, it felt like you didn’t respect me. Like you didn’t even trust me to do my basic duty as your mate. That hurt.”
“That was my way of regaining control,” I admit. “I felt so helpless, like I didn’t have any power over my life.”
Turan’s expression is pained. “Do you still feel that way?”
I feel my eyes swimming with tears as I look back at him. “Kind of, yes. But I think what I’m realizing is, this isn’t about needing to regain control. It’s about needing to get comfortable surrendering it. Turan, I… I love you. You’re my Fated Mate. And like you said, trust needs to go both ways.”
Turan interrupts. “Did you just say you loved me?”
I can’t help it. I break into tears. “Of course I love you, stupid.”
He wraps his arms around me, holding me more tightly than I’ve ever been held before. I melt into him, filled with a wonderful sense of wholeness as we cling to each other. I can feel his chest moving as he breathes, and the beating of his heart.
“I love you, too, Kora,” he breathes, his voice heavy. “God, I love you so fucking much. I don’t ever want to lose you.”
We hold each other for a while, and I cry happy tears into his chest. My heart feels so light.
“Turan,” I whisper.
“Yes, vulta?”
“I want to go back to spanking. Over your knee, like we did before. The corner doesn’t make me feel close to you.”
He cups my face in his hands, his eyes red, beacon glowing blue. “You trust me to oversee your discipline as I see fit?”
I take a deep breath, trying to control my emotion. “I want you to be my authority. My Fated Mate. I want to learn to let go, to surrender to you and to the bond we share.” I point to the spot on my neck where his pigment permanently tattoos my skin. “Turan, I want this mark to mean something.”
His eyes are shining. He looks close to tears himself. “I want it, too,” he whispers, and kisses me deeply.
We spend a long time together just kissing and snuggling, basking in