he hasn’t shaved. He looks like he’s running at ten percent, and his gaze misses mine and scans the ground.
Dani comes up to me and pulls me into a cheek kiss, whispering, “Do you want him to go? We were hanging out today, and he asked to come. I said that he could, only if you approved. Do you?”
My eyes haven’t moved. With each passing breath, I feel more tense, and I feel the awkwardness levels rise within me. Do I approve? How could I? It’s a public space, so I can’t stop him from being here. Plus, how could I turn him away and not be an ass?
And I remember, vaguely, what Sophie told me about Pierce when I first met her. They were cliquey and standoffish, and clearly didn’t make Sophie feel comfortable or invited.
It’s that memory that makes me tell Dani, “Yeah. He should stay.”
He’s here because, for some reason, he wanted to be. And if he wants to celebrate pride with me, as a friend, with his other friends, I can’t stop that. Rather—I could stop that, or I could run away, but I won’t do either.
Because I’m a hell of a lot better than he is.
“Pierce,” I say. I take slow steps toward him, and I feel the eyes of the others burn into my skin. “How are you?”
“Feeling pretty rubbish right now, if I’m honest.”
I run a hand through my hair. “I mean, you don’t have to. We’re all friends here.”
He laughs, then says, “I wasn’t great to you.”
“I know. And I’ve recovered. So, things are good.” I bend down to make eye contact, and he gives me a light smile. Vulnerable. And I know it’s the only chance I’ll get to ask this question.
“How—” I clear my throat. “How much of this was real?”
“I liked you. But I used you.”
“Let’s take a quick walk,” I say before leading him farther away from the group.
With each breath I strengthen. I stand straight, pull my shoulders back, relax the tension in my face, and put on a neutral expression. I have the control in this situation, and I should relish it … but the dynamic makes me feel uneasy.
“Shane showed me your audition video once, before you even got here. You were so good. You asked me early on whether I liked you as a person or as an oboist, and the answer is still both.” He sighs. “But the harder Dr. Baverstock pushed me, the more I focused on Marty the Oboist.”
“I know,” I say. “It wasn’t a great feeling.”
“I wasn’t ready for a relationship, especially after what happened with Colin. But I really saw something between us. I had this vision of us as this power couple that pulled off wild duets.”
Despite myself, I chuckle. All this time, he thought of me as a duet partner, not a boyfriend. And I don’t think he even knew it.
“I wish you’d have liked Marty the Person more,” I say.
“I certainly could have treated you better. I’m sorry, truly.”
It doesn’t excuse much. From the beginning, he wanted Marty the Oboist to make him look good, to up his street cred in this school. Maybe he doesn’t even know how much he used me, how far he tried to push me that night.
“I feel like an idiot.” The confession weighs me down. “I wasted this whole summer because I was trying to please you or be with you. Pierce, if there was ever a part of you that really liked me, you’ll find a way to make me trust you enough to be friends with you.”
“Right,” he says. This time, his gaze doesn’t fall. He keeps eye contact. “You deserved better. You really are—”
I throw up my hand to cut him off.
“I’m going to join my friends, crush this audition, and have the most epic pride the world has ever seen.”
“I suppose I’ll just …”
He turns to leave. Each step he takes resonates within me. The tension inside me is intense, but I know what I need to do, to start to get over this.
I do the strongest thing I can think of.
“You should join us.”
When we return to the group, Dani rushes to meet us.
“Everything okay, boys?”
There’s a nervous edge to her voice, which I try to calm with a smile. Pierce still trails me, and I speak without looking back to him. “No, but we’re working on it.”
The crowd has doubled in size, in density, since we started our little heart-to-heart. High-energy music pumps through