I know that won’t change overnight. But when these ladies came to me, honestly offering a thinly veiled conversion program as support, a piece of me broke straight in two.
I was too appalled to speak, but your father stepped in with some choice words for them. We left right then, and by the time you get back, we will hopefully be a part of a different church. A more accepting one.
This doesn’t exonerate me. I know this. I’ve prayed a lot about this, and I don’t know what I can do. But your dad thinks this is a good start. I’ll try calling you soon, though I know you hate when I call out of the blue.
I love you,
Mom
The email sits with me all morning. I wish my feelings about this weren’t so complicated, but I’ve learned that pretty much everything is complicated, especially when you’re gay. So I might as well do the best I can and try to cope.
Shane, Sang, and I sit on a train, off toward Trafalgar Square, which is full of a few hundred billion people on a normal day, so I can only imagine what it’s like during pride. But they’re holding busking license auditions in a private room in the National Gallery.
I look over to Shane, who’s got his arm casually around his new boyfriend, and I try to make sense of the jumble of thoughts knocking around in my brain. All of them are probably farfetched, but since I’m off to my first and only audition of the summer—and Shane’s just a few weeks away from starting work in his Les Mis run—now seems like the right time.
“Okay. Now that you got your dream gig, I have a favor to ask. Would you put in a good word for me at the bookshop before you go? I’m looking for part-time jobs, and I’ve applied to a few American-style restaurants that might appreciate having someone with real American diner experience under his belt. Actually applying this time, not just dicking around and falling in love with a jerk. Between that, and if this busking thing works out with me and Dani, I think I could make it work.”
“Does this mean you could really stay? Like, for good?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Should we start looking for a flat? I kind of like having you as a roommate.”
“I don’t know.” Shane sighs. “I kind of liked living alone this summer, while you were out touring. Maybe I’ll get my own place.”
Sang snickers. “I definitely appreciated the, uh, private time we had there.”
Shane winks, and I just roll my eyes. “Be serious! You had me freaked.”
“Yes, let’s do it,” he says with a smile.
A silence passes over us, and I look around the train to see bright colors all around. Queer people of all ages flood the car, some quiet, some excitedly cheering, some already drunk. Okay, a lot of them are drunk.
But everyone is so happy.
“Seriously, Shane.” I keep eye contact, which is a challenge. But I have to keep it. “I’m sorry about being MIA this summer. And for not taking your advice about Pierce. And for … scaring you.”
“You don’t have to apologize. Boys make us do stupid shit. But thanks.”
This is where we’d probably have a touching bro moment, but it gets cut short by us getting to our stop. We finally make it out of the station with the other thousand queers, and head to our meeting spot: Trafalgar Square, the fourth plinth.
Sophie and Rio lean against it, hand in hand, waiting for our arrival.
“We come bearing face paint!” Sophie announces as a hello.
Rio laughs. “And stickers!”
I give each of them a hug and take the paint from Rio. “I’ve got a shit ton of glitter. But, uh, let’s get through this audition first. Has anyone seen Dani yet?”
While we wait, we settle into conversation. How Sophie interacts with everyone is different than it was earlier in the summer. She’s more relaxed, less guarded. Sure, I could be her one friend that she wanted. But she doesn’t need one friend. Like me—like all of us—she needs a family, and she’s got one.
Rio lifts up to give her a kiss on the cheek.
Dani taps me on the shoulder.
“Ready?” she asks.
I turn, but my gaze slips past Dani, right through Ajay, and on him. Pierce. I knew I’d have to be around him again, with my growing friendship with Dani, but I didn’t know it’d be this soon. Too soon. He has bed head;