been her, Raven didn't know what she would've done. He'd always been kind, thoughtful. But who he was? Deep down? She hadn't even scratched the surface until tonight.
Trying to fight back tears, she took a washcloth from a ledge and dipped it in the water before running it over his shoulders. His head fell back against her, the fight leaving him as his muscles relaxed. With an arm over his chest, she squeezed water over his pecs, his stomach.
He sighed, as if enjoying her taking care of him for a change. Running his hands down her calves, he grabbed her ankles and crossed her legs, caging him in her hold. She followed his lead and wrapped her arms around his neck. He placed both hands on her arms, as if worried she'd let go.
She kissed his shoulder and rested her cheek there. "I'm going to smell like you after this bath."
He made a noise of agreement in his throat. "I like it when you smell like me." He caressed her arm, staring at the water. "You smell like rain. Your shampoo or soap. I can't tell. As much as the scent turns me on, there's nothing sexier than you smelling like me. I notice it most after making love."
She smiled. "You smell like Christmas cookies. Cinnamon."
Breathing out a laugh, he dropped his hand to her leg and stroked. After a moment, he stilled. "I didn't hurt you, did I? Please tell me you don't have bruises from--"
"Hey." She kissed his temple, letting her lips linger. "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with a little rough sex. In case you didn't notice, I enjoyed it." She paused, trying to conjure a way to lighten his mood. "Although, I was a little worried we'd fall through the window."
"Bullet-proof glass. No chance." His voice was flat, making her worry ebb higher.
"In that case, we should do it again."
"I'm serious, Raven. I couldn't take it if I hurt you. When I'm like that, I--"
"Shh," she cooed in his ear. "You'd never hurt me. And I have a safeword, remember? I didn't invoke it." She didn't know what to do with him like this. It was as if he'd given up. Slipped into some form of depression where guilt had the reins.
He pressed his palms to his eyes and shook his head. "I made a mistake." Her stomach cramped when he sat up and slipped out of her arms. "I never should've gotten you involved in my mess. I should've stayed away from you. It was selfish."
Hugging her arms to her chest, she studied his shoulders and back. Sinew and bone and muscle in perfect symmetry. A chill crept up her spine. Not twelve hours ago, he'd tossed out the safeword when they were supposed to be ending it. It was him who'd asked her to stay. It would've been hard, but they would've gone back to their friendship, stronger for having experienced what they had together. But no. He got her hopes up, stood in her living room, and pleaded for more.
She wiped angrily at her tears, hating them. Not one to cry, as it only stripped control, she straightened and swallowed past the worst of it. "You regret it." Stupid, weak voice. How could that be hers?
He turned his head and regarded her over his shoulder. How dare he look tormented. "Of course I don't regret it."
"I'm not daft, Noah. A mistake is a pretty obvious remark." She'd been a lot of things in her life. Invisible, controlling, cowardly. But never a mistake. The sharp stab in her gut twisted.
She rose from the tub and reached for a towel. He made no attempt to follow, just hung his head and viewed the water. Not waiting around to dry off, she wrapped the towel around her middle and headed for the door.
"I'd never regret a single second with you."
She turned, heart pounding, vision graying.
He still didn't look her in the eye, but his gaze landed on the ruby heart necklace she wore. "I made the mistake of not waiting until things were completely neutralized before engaging you. After a decade, I guess I was just sick of not having something for myself. You have no idea what it's been like--" Abruptly cutting himself off, he shook his head and rubbed his neck. "It was selfish. And now you're in danger."
Taking a step forward, she opened her mouth to speak, but he interrupted anything she might've said.
"Go to bed, Raven. I'll be in soon."
Angry, hurt, and--damn