seemed her focus was elsewhere.
"It was, that's why I butted in."
Holly and Hayden stayed quiet. They wouldn't know any better.
"You guys want to get something to eat?" I asked, changing the subject. They nodded. "I hope you guys like tea sandwiches and caviar."
Fourteen
Hours into the party and forty-five minutes to spare before the ball dropped, Hayden left to escort Holly to the bathroom.
I'd been antsy all night and couldn't shake the feeling of unease. Another minute longer and I'd be suffocating. I needed to get away.
Maybe it was the champagne. I did have another glass after Dad told me not to.
Maybe it wasn't.
Maybe it was because Kova and Katja were a stone's throw away at another table. He'd been enamored with her all night and hardly glanced in my direction.
Maybe it wasn't.
Maybe it was what happened with Mom.
Maybe it was the anxiety of Hayden possibly kissing me when the ball dropped.
Maybe it was knowing Kova would be kissing Katja that really twisted me inside and I didn't want to acknowledge it.
Too many thoughts were flying through my head. I just knew I couldn’t sit at the excessively decorated table any longer, which was why I offered to take Holly with the need to stretch my legs and get some air. I had a feeling they'd get lost, but Hayden insisted I relax and he'd find his way.
Avery obviously had other things on her mind because she seemed absent every time I looked at her. I itched to pull her aside and demand to know what was going on, but there were too many people around, and with my friends in town, it just wasn't the right time.
"Ave?" I said, turning to her. "I'm going to run upstairs and freshen up. I'll see you in a few?"
When she didn't answer me, I nudged her and repeated what I said.
She eyed me. "You better not be changing your outfit."
I laughed. "No, I just need a couple of minutes."
I took in Kova one more time before I left. He only had eyes for Katja. Seated a few tables over, he had his hand deep in her wavy hair like he was massaging her while she spoke to him, probably in their native tongue. He twirled a lock of hair around his finger as she laughed. He returned the laugh. They looked perfect together.
With my heart in my throat, I walked around the pool deck toward one of the back doors. I stopped to turn around under a cluster of palm trees. Concealed by darkness, I stared from the shadows. Everything was seemingly perfect from this view. No one could see me, but I could see them.
Strings of lights swooped from the edges of the tent and met in the center where an eye-capturing Swarovski chandelier hung. Entwined with ivory fabric tulle, it was almost matrimonial looking. A giant flat screen television was erected behind the band with the channel switched to Times Square, the countdown at the bottom. Though muted, I didn't need to hear the anchors to feel their excitement and know it was almost time to ring in the new year.
This was the first time all evening I’ve had a second alone to breathe. Not that my friends were smothering me, but with Kova and Katja here, Mom degrading me like I was scum beneath her seven hundred dollar shoes, and how important the coming gymnastics season was, it was impossible not to stress. Everything was riding on the new year. Every little detail, and every little moment had to be calculated, as if the stars needed to align for my dream to be a reality.
The truth was, it was hard to move past what happened with Kova because I would be back training with him.
It was also why I was standing alone in the dark. I needed a moment of reprieve before I lost what little of my sanity I had left. I had way too much on my mind. My cheeks throbbed from plastering on a fake smile and my head was pounding. It was all a façade. Every second of my personal life was a front. It's why I loved gymnastics so much. I didn't have to be anyone but myself.
A faint hint of cinnamon floated through the air. My back straightened at the rustling plants and I glanced over my shoulder.
Kova emerged from the corner, our eyes locked. I'd once thought his green eyes reminded me of a tiger in the jungle when we first met, and