I see what’s on the front of it.
There’s a smaller version of the Devil’s Outlaws emblem, with the club’s name on the front in the same cursive as on the patch the men wear on their cuts. The shirt is roomy and reaches to my thighs. At least he’s not forcing me to wear something that leaves more of my skin exposed than not. This shirt doesn’t leave my breasts half spilling out of it, and it doesn’t expose that blasted spider’s web he marked me with.
I rake a comb through my hair, thinking savagely of the way the Colony monitored every move we made from how we dressed to what we ate. Not unlike Spider does to me, they allotted certain amounts of time for getting ready for the day in the morning. Unlike at His Holy Peace, there aren’t windows looking in on every room in the clubhouse allowing Spider to spy on me at any time. Despite this, his control over me feels no less invasive. It unsettles me that I’m probably hyperaware of the similarities between the way he controls my life and the Colony, because of the punishment he delivered the other night.
I whip my hair irritably over my shoulder and scrub my teeth, then head downstairs.
The bar is a lot emptier than it was the previous day. Hearing all the voices from outside, I realize why. We’re leaving soon, and most of the White Springs members are probably out there to see us off. An older man with a bushy white beard is behind the bar instead of one of the girls. I think I heard Spider call him Pops at some point, making him the owner. He nods toward the outside when he sees me, as if to say, He’s outside.
It’s a relief that we’re going back to Casper’s, especially when I see the few men who are sitting around the tables and at the bar smirking at me as I weave my way through them. I saw half of them in the barroom yesterday while Spider… did what he did to me. Humiliation rolls over me at the thought of what they saw, while an annoying ache licks between my legs when I remember the feel of Spider’s fist in my hair, his growls of pleasure as he pumped in and out of my mouth.
Cap brushes past me, pulling me out of my thoughts. He’s the only friendly face I see in here, except when I look up at him, he’s far from friendly. He glances my way as if to see who he bumped into, his mouth turns down in a scowl, and then he marches through the door and outside.
My heart plummets hard. There’s only one way to read his expression—it’s one of obvious disapproval.
Yesterday, I’d thought the look of disgust I saw on his face had been for Spider. Spider had lost his respect, but had I lost it too? My chest tightens.
Nearing the door, I’m given no more time to think on this, because Ben bursts through it wearing a big bright smile.
“Hi, Emma!”
I smile in spite of myself and b catch him in a tight hug, astonished by the comfort I find in it. “Hey, tough guy.”
His smile grows bigger, delighted at the nickname. “You’re coming with me to see my mom at the hospital today.”
I widen my eyes in mock offense at his inflexible tone. This kid spends way too much time around Spider. He’s got the alpha male tone down already.
Stepping outside into the bright sunlight, I glance around for Cap. Men and women crowd the front deck, but I don’t see him anywhere. I push aside the clenching feeling in my gut and focus on Ben.
“Oh, I am, am I? And who says?” I rub the kid’s back.
“I do.” Spider walks toward us and takes Ben gently into his powerful arms. “Come here, little man.” He sets him on his hip. I glare at him while Ben is busy playing with Spider’s beard and not looking at me.
Of course, I’m thrilled to go with Ben. I adore the little boy, and it’s obvious he wants me with him, but the idea that Spider enlisted me without asking irks me and robs the excursion of some of its joy. That he decided for me is an unpleasant reminder of his control over me. Not only do I have to wear what he wants and eat when he tells me to, but I have to go