I come within reach of him, Spider seizes my wrist and hauls me against him. For a half a second, his gaze veers toward Dragon and Dex. Then his fierce, burning eyes trap mine.
His fists the front of my shirt. “What the fuck is this?” he growls.
My heart makes a home in my throat, dizzying panic weakening my knees. His fists feel massive.
The presence of dozens of club members and women’s eyes on us presses in on me. I swear I can feel Dragon’s eyes boring into my back.
I will not—I will not—be a doormat.
Easier said than done. Maybe it’s the crowd gathered around the parking lot, or maybe it’s the idea of hidden cameras Rat’s put in my head, but suddenly I can’t help, once again, thinking of the Colony.
In my mind, the empty stretch of path that leads out of Pops’ Place becomes the empty space in the Colony square. I see it so vividly that I can picture the isolation chamber a few hundred feet away, the house where the elders live off to my left instead of the clubhouse. And in the middle of the empty patch of lot that’s now become the punishment area, I see a single wooden post jutting from the ground, metallic shackles on either side for cuffing the hands of sinners.
The whipping post.
Spider hasn’t threatened any punishment, but I can feel it in his grip on my shirt, hear it in the anger that drips from his voice—I’ve made a mistake, and I’m about to pay for it. All at once, I’m not at Pops’; I’m in the Circle of Retribution, surrounded by the crowd of parishioners who have been summoned to watch justice doled out for my defiance.
Instantly, subservience calls to me like a toxic voice. Spider’s about to chain me to the whipping post and pull off his belt. A belt he’s already used on my backside last night, only this time, I’ll feel the fire of it welting my back, just as Sara did with Jacob.
My body shakes in Spider’s grip, my breathing harsh and fast. He doesn’t seem to notice, perhaps seeing my fear as the normal terror of the beast I’ve awakened in him.
“I said, what the fuck is this?” Spider grits out.
The exited murmurs from the crowd of bikers and the threat in Spider’s voice breaks the spell that nearly robbed me of resistance. In the Circle, no one ever spoke. A whipping in the Colony always commands the crowd be silent, not gabbling like people at a party about to break out. And as much as I hated the pastors, none of them, not even Seth, ever sounded as savage as Spider when they were worked up.
I shake off the trance-like stupor and shove my panic down. Somehow, I keep my voice level, but it takes everything I have not to let my eyes drop to Spider’s boots. “They usually call them tee-shirts.”
Several women titter, and men give surprised laughs.
“Burn,” Reaper says.
Spider’s eyes flash. His smile is cruel and dangerous. “Why aren’t you wearing what I chose for you?”
“I spilled beer on that one. Gin lent me hers.”
“I don’t give a fuck.”
I try to peel his hands off. “What did you expect? You want me to walk around in a shirt soaked and reeking of beer?”
He jerks me close enough that his lips are inches from mine. “I have a better idea. You wanna shoot your mouth off? You can wear nothing.”
The blood drains out of my face.
When Spider releases me, I step back.
“Take it off,” he orders.
Outrage and indignation turn my face hot. There are more than twenty people out here, most of them men, all of them watching like hungry wolves, every one of them probably eager to get an eyeful.
This can’t be happening. I can’t let it. If I do, it will set a precedent. It will show Spider that I have no backbone, that he can intimidate and frighten me, and I’ll go along without a fight.
I promised myself I’d never let the Colony break me. I won’t let him do that, either.
I draw a breath of courage. “No.”
For a long second, Spider cocks his head at me. His silence is deafening, dark and choking, and the expression on his face is chilling. It’s a cold and emotionless mask.
My heart hammers madly. I’m looking into the face of the animal who whipped me last night, the one who feels nothing for me, who sees me only as property.
I’m looking right