I had told you that’s what I was doing, you’d have worked yourself inside out. Reliving those days, talking about them, it’s like asking you to eat glass. I hate seeing you like that. I feel so helpless. It breaks my fucking heart. I feel your pain right here.” He smacked his chest.
“Maybe you just see some stupid young kid. I get it. I was trying to get information for a school paper so I wouldn’t fail a project. If I could turn back time, I would. I’m a world-class fuck-up, okay? Ask my fucking dad. He’ll make you a list. I’m really good at doing everything wrong. Yes, you’re right. I’m an idiot. I make stupid decisions. But at the heart of it all, I don’t intentionally try to hurt people despite what you think. I guess I’m a bit impulsive. I don’t know how to change that. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
His shoulders fell, and he blinked a few times, trying to hold back tears. “I knew it was a matter of time anyway. I always screw up and ruin the good stuff.”
Throughout his whole speech, I pinched my lips together, blood roaring in my ears. When he stopped talking and I didn’t respond, he ducked his chin.
“All right. I’m done. I’m leaving.”
A tiny insignificant part of my brain was whispering that I was making a mistake, but I was too lost in the destruction to pull back and find reason.
Skylar wrenched the door open and peered back once, a hopeful look on his face that showed his age. In that moment, Skylar looked far younger than his twenty-five years. Like a kicked dog, a lost boy, a discarded toy car no one wanted to play with anymore because its paint was a little chipped.
I didn’t move or speak as the door clicked closed.
That was it. It was over.
It was less than five minutes later when the intercom buzzed again. I’d been staring in disbelief at the hard surface of the door, my insides in a blender.
“I’m falling for you.”
My heart launched into my throat. For a second, I was certain it was Skylar returning, unwilling to give up on me, ready to fight for this fragile thing we’d been trying so hard to develop.
“I’m falling for you.”
And what killed me was the tidal wave of disappointment that hit when I heard Levi’s voice on the other end of the speaker.
I let him up and slumped onto the couch as I waited for him to arrive. Head hanging, I got a good whiff of myself and cringed. I smelled like I’d swum in a river of whiskey and vomit.
Levi rapped, and I called out, telling him to let himself in. He dropped a heavy bag onto the ground by the door and sat beside me. We’d been best friends since before I’d met Morgan. Levi knew without asking that I was not okay.
He wrapped an arm around me and tugged me against his side. We sat like that a long time, him stroking my arm, my back, my hair, and me doing all I could to calm my inner shakes and make sense of the train wreck that was my life.
Levi knew when to let go. I lifted my chin and peered into his eyes.
“Jesus,” he breathed, scanning me. “You look like shit, and no offense, you smell worse. How about a shower before we talk?”
“I just broke up with Skylar.” Even as I said the words, something pinched inside my chest. Of all the things that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, that smidgen of information seemed the most profound for some reason. The thing that hurt the most.
“I’m falling for you.”
“Is he a cute blond with wild hair?”
I frowned.
“I think I passed him in the lobby. You made him cry.”
“He lied to me. He went behind my back. I told you. I told you this would happen. I put myself on the line, and I was right.”
Levi signaled a time out with his hands. “Whoa. Stop. Time out. Shower first, then I want the whole story. Everything. From what happened at the school yesterday to whatever drove Skylar to see Morgan. All of it. Now go. I’ll find you clean clothes and make you something to eat.”
Levi glanced around, seeing my barren apartment for the first time. His brows rose. “And then we’re going to talk about this.” He swung a finger around, encompassing the room. “This is a serious step backward.