kid’s flip-flop. Just ahead was a familiar juxtaposition of cypress knees. I looked back to get my bearings and gauge how far I was from Adam’s truck now as I tried to remember where we’d parked that day. A small crowd had gathered by the spring.
I returned my attention to the ground around me, certain I could find the place. Like me, Adam could have wandered off to find this spot. I listened, sure for a moment I would hear his beautiful, sweet voice. In the hush of the woods, a single birdcall erupted, then a shout pierced the quiet. “They’ve found something!”
“Something” turned out to be a literal dead-end. A newly sealed chamber deep in the cave. A collapse.
When they brought me over to the bank, I looked down at the two young divers treading water above the sky-blue hole and told them, “He’s not there. He must have taken a walk.” I shook my head. They stared back at me blankly. “He liked to take walks in the woods, to . . .”
I do not recall completing my sentence. I do not recall who drove me home.
The girls began to arrive, first Sarah from her apartment in town, then Rosie, who drove from Tallahassee. The next day, Gracie and Lil flew in from DC with Baby Adam in tow. The four of them filled the house with anxious energy. Their questions ricocheting around me: When did Daddy leave? How long has he been gone? What did they find at the springs?
All, save the baby, had the same stunned look on their faces that flared back and forth from puzzled urgency to vacant surprise. I couldn’t help but think of the day Jennie died.
I kept telling them everything would be okay. “He must have gotten confused and wandered off somewhere. He probably never even went into the springs.” Each time I said that, I thought about his recent restlessness, and the possibility seemed more likely.
Within hours of Lil and Gracie arriving, they piled into the car, headed for the springs, their faces filled with hope and purpose.
I didn’t want to see that gaping mouth of blue again. I stayed behind with Baby Adam. His babbling filled my afternoon. His manic, toddling dashes toward every open cabinet door and every coffee-table corner required constant vigilance.
At sunset, the girls returned—Sarah, Lil, and Gracie in the car, Rosie close behind at the wheel of Adam’s truck. Before they got out, I saw that they had news, but it was not good news.
We gathered around the empty truck. Crossing her arms over her chest, Rosie stared at the ground and blinked away tears. “The collapsed vein is in one of the deepest parts of the caves, one that doesn’t get many divers. An offshoot. They loaned me a tank and gear so I could go down and see for myself. They’ve already put up a grate to block it off. It’s not safe to get close. They gave me a good, strong light, but all I could see was a jumble of limestone far away. They’ve even filtered the nearby silt for evidence . . . Some sign that he was . . .” Her voice cracked, then she added, “Nothing. I’m sorry, Momma.” She covered her mouth.
Gracie bounced Baby Adam on her hip and searched my face for a reaction. “The ground over that branch of the cave has sunk quite a bit. The building where they rent the tubes is very close by. They’re afraid that if they try any kind of excavation, the building will collapse onto . . . It would be too dangerous . . .” Her voice trailed off as she leaned against me and put her arm around my waist. Little Adam patted my chest and drooled on my shoulder.
Sarah took my hand and looked around at her sisters for confirmation. “Momma, there was no sign of him on the banks. No sign in the woods. They’ve looked. We combed the woods again. They’ve extended the search to include more of the river. Just in case. They’ll call if they find anything.”
Lil bit her lips and, without a word, went inside.
A wave of books, papers, notebooks, and textbooks arrived with the girls, covering every surface. Even Lil, the only one not officially a student, was researching to find the best graduate programs. Guitars and fiddles migrated room to room. Picks, capos, and baby rattles littered the kitchen counter. The girls’ distinctive chlorophyll odor of new-mown grass