you squeeze a little romp in the back. I’ve been needing a break anyway.”
“We are not romping,” I shrill the words at her like a threat. “And would you knock this off? And what in the heck is going on in there, anyway?” I crane my neck and spot the rear seats are missing, a body lies facedown with his hairy back oiled up, and about six different candles burn all around the poor guy as if some midnight sacrifice were about to take place. “This is a fire hazard, Carlotta. I demand you knock this off before both you and I get sued over it. And believe me, I know you’re fully capable of dragging me into this naughty nightmare with you, one way or another. Abandon ship and meet us inside.”
“Fine!” she shouts back while hopping out of the van and sliding the door shut once again. “Party’s over!” she bellows to the crowd, and a collective moan circulates around us. “Don’t blame me. Blame the knocked up nun.” She points hard my way. “It’s okay for her to dig her little baking fingers into whatever man’s body she wants, but as soon as I get some honest employment under my belt, I’m dragging us both into a naughty nightmare.”
“You’re giving nuns a bad name,” a man from the back shouts, somewhat belligerently.
“Yeah!” a man with a white ball cap calls out. “We want a whole lotta touchin’!”
“I hear ya, captain,” Carlotta shouts back. “You find me inside and I’ll make sure my fingers find their way up your shirt.”
“Good Lord,” I say, smacking Noah on the arm. “Make it stop.”
“Carlotta,” Noah shouts as the inside of the minivan explodes with the flicker of flames.
Noah opens the van and hoists a rather sleepy man to safety before tossing some snow onto the blaze and quickly putting it out.
“Show’s over,” Carlotta calls out as she slams shut the door to her van and locks it with a chirp. “Nothing to see here.” She threads her arms though mine and Noah’s, and before we know it, we’re standing inside where it’s warm, the lights are low, a smattering of tables is set out to the left, and a crowd of people is bopping in the center of the room to “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” To the right there’s a room with chain-link fenced cages against the wall, parceling off in sections where people stand throwing axes at a series of bullseyes nailed to the wall.
“Hey, I think I can get some real aggression out here,” I say, magnetizing that way without a single thought of finding my perp. But as luck, or a certain accountant’s own need to vent his frustrations would have it, I spot Meg, her boyfriend Hook, and Chris Holiday himself tossing sharpened weaponry at the wall.
Noah, Carlotta, and I mosey on over, and Noah helps us purchase the use of the booth next to theirs.
“Hey, guys!” I pull Meg and Hook into a dual embrace. Meg’s wearing her all black Goth-inspired getup in leather and lace, and Hook looks handsome in jeans and a sweater. Hook Redwood has dark hair and a dark smile to match. He’s a handsome devil who runs his family’s real estate empire as well as running a loan operation with Noah’s brother, Alex.
Hook pulls back and grins at Noah and me.
“It’s your turn tonight, huh?”
“Very funny.” I smack my lips at my sister’s plus one. “So who’s your friend and how fast can you introduce me?” I glance over to Chris as he hurls one axe after the other, hitting the target more or less in the middle. He’s pretty good at it. And if he’s the killer, he’s a good shot, too.
“Whoa.” Hook looks mildly affronted. “Noah, are you just going to let her hit on men right in front of you?”
Carlotta honks out a laugh. “Lot here is looking to break a randy record. Now that she’s knocked up, she’s got a craving to take a bite out of handsome strangers, and all poor Foxy can do is come along for the ride.”
Hook shakes his head. “Dude, this is exactly what happens if you don’t set some ground rules right from the start.”
Noah nods. “Do you think it’s too late to instate a no cavorting with judges rule?”
“Ha!” Meg squawks. “That wedding ring on Lot’s finger all but screams overruled. Sorry, Noah, my sister is a maneater, and you’re just one of the carcasses she spit out for fun.”
“Oh