their mouths fall open when I tell them I let the dog lick the food off baby Bear’s mouth.”
“Keelie, I didn’t know you had a dog,” I say as I rub her arm in a meager effort to comfort her.
“Oh, I don’t,” she says. “And when they found that out, it only made them gasp.”
Evie pretends to gag with her spoon. “Who cares about those women, Keelie? It’s a classic case of mean girls. I hear soccer moms are ten times cliquier than high school girls. Don’t worry. You survived high school, you can survive this, too. Just let me know if you ever want to shank them. I’ve got connections to the underworld.”
Sadly, Evie is not kidding. Luke Lazzari, a notorious crime boss—who coincidentally Carlotta once dated—is the one who helped us track Evie down when we found out Cressida was hiding a child from Everett.
“Thanks, Evie.” Keelie sighs. “You know I actually feel better knowing that’s an option.”
“It’s not an option,” I’m quick to nip the mommy shanking in the bud. “I can’t believe grown women behave like that.”
“It’s true,” Lainey says, running her fingers through Josie’s feathery curls. “Having a baby is just a whole other world of responsibilities, and unfortunately some unsavory things come with it. But I’m sure you’re on top of things.”
“Like what things?” I’m almost afraid to ask because I’m one hundred percent certain I’m not on top of any of them.
“Like baby proofing your home.” Lainey shakes her head as if it were obvious. “Forest and I tackled that when I was four months along.”
Keelie nods. “Bear and I did that about the same time. He stopped all of his other projects and put our little Bear first.”
“So I noticed,” I say under my breath. At the pace he’s rebuilding my grandma Nell’s house, you’d think he was waiting for it to drop out of the sky miraculously. And knowing Bear, he just might be. “Wait a minute, I’ve just turned six months. That means I’m behind in the baby proofing department.”
Lainey and Keelie exchange a glance.
“Don’t worry.” Lainey waves it off. “You’ve practically got two husbands. I’m sure they can pound it out in half the time.”
Keelie angles her head my way. “As long as you’ve got your bag packed for the hospital, you’re still pretty on top of things.”
“What bag?” I look at them in horror.
“Really, Lottie?” Keelie inches back. “I would have thought you, of all people, would have your baby ducks all in a row. I mean, you’re a successful businesswoman. And you track down criminals in your spare time.”
Evie shakes her head. “Mom is way too busy hunting down killers to take care of an actual baby. I’m sorry, Mom, but it’s the truth.”
“All that is going to change,” I tell her before reverting to my bestie and my sister. “So what kind of baby proofing are we talking about? I don’t have any stairs or a basement, so I think that about covers it, right?”
“Pfft,” Lainey sputters out a laugh. “You’ve got to nail all your drawers shut, stick plastic doohickeys into every electrical socket, bubble wrap your coffee table, and create a UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) octagon in your living room. Don’t even get me started on getting all of the toxins under your kitchen sink to someplace where little hands can’t reach them. And you can never buy laundry detergent pods again.”
Carlotta slaps her hand on the counter. “You can lock up whatever you like, but you can’t take away my snacks.”
I stare long and hard at the woman who bore me.
I’m not even going to ask.
Keelie nods. “It’s all true. And don’t forget about that fancy knife set of yours, Lottie—the one you keep on the counter? I’d just flat out get rid of those.”
“Get rid of them?” I scoff at the thought. “Keelie, those are Swiss made blades. I spent more on that knife set than I did on my first car. Having the right knife means everything to someone who practically lives in the kitchen.”
“Keelie is right.” Lainey shudders. “I’ve seen those knives, Lot. They’re so sharp the baby could slice off all its fingers before it even realized what it’s done.”
“Geez!” Evie howls. “How could you have those in the house with me, Mom? Don’t you love my fingers?”
“Of course, I love your fingers, Evie.” I make a face at my sister for putting the disturbing visual into her mind and mine to begin with. “I don’t think I need