Yeah, it’s fine. Don’t worry about me. You’re the one pulling the Sleeping Beauty routine.”
His voice is hoarse from so long without use, so I help him drink half a glass of water before he continues speaking again, croaking a little less this time. His blue-green eyes are bright as he turns to me, squeezing my hand back with surprising strength. “I need to be with you, Hazel,” he whispers. “I can’t fight it anymore. I don’t want to fight it. I love you. I trust you. You’re the best woman I ever met and there’s nothing in this world that’s going to stop me from being there for our kid.”
Tears are streaming down my cheeks like a dam has been busted. I don’t even know when I started to cry.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he laughs.
I lean close to him, kissing him softly. I don’t want to press too hard. I don’t want to hurt him. But then, with a growl, he slides his tongue into my mouth. I explore him and it feels new, even though we’ve been here before. So much has happened since we last kissed like this. I’m moaning, I realize, which is pretty damn inappropriate.
“Sorry,” I demur, breaking it off. “I didn’t mean to get carried away.”
“Why’d you stop?”
“Because I think sex might kill you right now.”
He grins. “Then I’d die a happy man. How are the men?”
“Ubert is still asleep, but he’s out of the danger zone.”
“Grazie Dio. And the others?”
“Alive, recovering,” I say. “Nario, Durante, Maury, they’re doing okay. I mean, that albino guy is a little scary, but other than that … Do you want me to get them? Should I wake up Emily and Alda?”
“Soon,” he says. “But I just want to be with you for a while first. Does that make me selfish?”
“Maybe.” I shrug. “But I don’t really give a shit.”
He laughs, and then narrows his eyes, reading something in my face. You’re hiding something, he silently says. What’s wrong?
I shake my head. It’s nothing.
“Hazel.” He draws patterns on my palms. “I’m sorry for how I treated you. It was just the shock, y’know, the betrayal—”
“You just said y’know,” I point out in shock. “You absolutely just said it.”
“No way,” he denies. “You’re a liar. You’re a dirty twisted liar.” Laughing, he goes on, “I mean it, though. I’m sorry.”
“I know, it’s not that. I’m sorry, too.”
“What, then?”
“It’s just … if the baby is a boy, do you think we could name him Ben? Or maybe his middle name could be Ben?”
I expect him to show some sign that this is fucked, that this is really, really messed up. But instead he nods slowly. “I get why you want to,” he says. “He proved himself in the end. He died saving you. I’ll always be grateful to him for that. And if what he said was true, he wasn’t the monster I thought he was. Yes, Hazel, let’s honor his memory. But you’ve lost your damn mind if you think he’s not going to have an Italian middle name.”
“Luigi?” I tease. “Mario? Ratatouille?”
“Ratatouille?” He looks horrified. “That’s French, first of all. And second…”
But he doesn’t get to finish, because my laughing draws the attention of his mother and sister. Emily lets out a cry and shrugs off her blankets, wheeling over. Tears are in her eyes as she tries to joke, “Thanks for the invite, bro.”
“Invite?”
“Well, this is clearly a party!” She leans down to hug him as best she can, tears running down her face.
Alda rushes over and clasps her son’s hands, crying too. “Oh, Carlo, I thought—”
“I’m okay, Mother. I’m not going anywhere.”
We all find places to hold onto Carlo: his hand, his leg, his face. We stay like that for a long time and then Carlo grunts. “I’m starting to feel like the Holy fucking Grail or something here.”
“Language!” Alda snaps.
“Angelo Benjamin De Maggio,” he muses quietly.
I blink back more tears. Alda makes a croaking noise. We’re all, frankly, a mess.
“What do you think?” He turns to me. His eyes are sparkling, tears clinging to his eyelashes. He’s not a shadow anymore. He’s achingly real. And he’s mine.
“I think it’s perfect,” I whisper.
36
Carlo
One Month Later
I sit in the back of the limo feeling like I’m just about to head out on a job. All the symptoms are the same. My heart is pounding like a damn drum and I’ve got this tingling feeling in my hands, almost like they’re going to go numb. I