me stranded here. Which means that Dad is going to do even more terrible things to him.
“Ah, smart girl.” Dad walks close to me, reeking of whiskey, cigarettes. He reaches out his hand and places it on my shoulder. I shiver in disgust, trying to squirm away. I used to fall for his nice-guy routine when I was younger. But I’m not a naïve little girl anymore. “Does it make you sad, Colleen, to know that the mafioso you opened your legs for is gonna die tonight?” He brushes tears from my cheek with his forefinger. “And you cry for him! He’s not even Irish. Amazing.”
“I love him.” I make my voice cold. “I love him more than you’ve ever loved anybody in your life, you sick bastard, more than you’re capable of loving anybody. There’s something wrong with you, Fergal, and I think you know it. I think you know that you should’ve been killed the second you were born. Mom didn’t love you. She was just scared of you. I’ve found a new family now. I’ve found a sister and a new mother and a man I can finally be happy with.” I shouldn’t say the next part, but my words are rushing ahead without me. I can’t stop. I just fucking hate him so much. I want to hurt him. “And I’m going to have Carlo’s baby. We’re going to be a family. Even if you tried to make me believe that family has to be twisted and horrible, I’m going to make my family light, and full of love, and—fuck you, all the things you could never make it.”
I stop, panting. Dad is looking at me as though I’m a dog that’s just spoken in perfect English. “Wow, look at you,” he says. “My little dove, all grown up.”
“Fuck you,” I snap. “Don’t call me that.”
“But you used to love when I called you my little dove,” he whispers. He sounds genuinely confused for a second, like he can’t understand why I wouldn’t like it anymore. “So I was right. You let this goombah get a baby on you. That was not a good idea, Colleen.” He sighs, rubbing his hands together. “After I kill your boyfriend, I will kill you. And after I kill you, I will kill Carlo’s fuck-ugly mother and his little crippled sister. Then I will take over this city once and for all. These are all facts, Colleen, things you can’t change no matter how many temper tantrums you throw.”
“Look at me, Dad,” I say slowly. “Look right in my eyes.”
He smiles indulgently. I fight the urge to vomit. He meets my eyes. “Yes, sweet daughter?”
“I’m not going to go to your funeral. I’m never going to visit your grave. If they bury you next to Mom, I’m going to have you dug up and thrown in the fucking sea.”
“Stop mentioning your mother,” he admonishes. “You didn’t know her. You killed her.”
“It doesn’t take a genius to figure out she never really loved you.” I laugh. I’m not crying anymore. I’m just enjoying the pained look on Dad’s face. “You bullied her into playing a role and then, after she was dead, pretended that you had this amazing romance. You’re a fucking idiot.”
“You killed her!” Dad roars, running at me. He raises his hand. I flinch, preparing myself for a blow I know is going to knock me sideways. All I can do is hope that the baby isn’t harmed. “Don’t you fucking talk about her!”
“Daddy.” Benjy’s voice is small.
I open my eyes—only just realizing they’re closed—to find Ben with his hand on Dad’s wrist.
“We don’t want to hurt her yet, do we? We have to kill the Italian first.”
“We’ve talked about this,” Dad grumbles. “She’s not your sister anymore. She’s a mafioso’s whore.”
I’m about to snap something when Benjy gives me the most lucid look I’ve ever seen from him. I shut my mouth. My brother has killed children, little girls, probably Ubert, and yet right now I love him. He’s my sibling and he’s protecting me. How’s that for a clusterfuck of a family dynamic?
“Yes, but after we kill the Italian, you said. You said to remind you if you got carried away. Do you remember?”
He’s lying. I can tell. But Dad narrows his eyes as though trying to remember. That’s when I see how dry his lips are, how his cheeks are flushed bright red, the capillaries popping around his eyes. It looks like he’s been hitting the