for probably the rest of my life. Unsure if I’ll ever be able to leave again. So, for now, it’s best if we just agree you did the wrong thing. You didn’t believe in me… now, I can’t believe in you.”
Nycto tightens his grip on my hand. “Eva—”
“I’ll get my things from your room and move into another.” I let go of his hand, then turn walking off toward his bedroom. The eyes of Ivy and Void watch me as I head for the hall.
My heart’s heavy. I’ve been in Nycto’s room since I arrived. I don’t even know what it will be like not sleeping with him, not to mention I still have to deal with Ivy.
I have so much I need to do, but right now, I need to put one foot in front of the other. I have a long time to be in isolation here, so I have to take this at my own pace.
Walking into Nycto’s room, the red light causes a hesitant smile to cross my lips.
I’ll miss the amazing sex.
I’ll miss waking up in his arms.
I’ll miss being in his presence.
But I need my space.
And right now, this is the only way I can do that.
I walk in, then stop. I don’t have a hell of a lot of things. A few sets of clothes in his closet Pepper bought for me. I have no identity. I’m just a package, a package meant to be sold. That’s all I am in this clubhouse, but instead, I was redistributed.
Maybe I would have been better off going wherever I was meant to.
I can’t think like that.
Just because I’m upset with Nycto doesn’t mean he didn’t save me. He did. He just did it all wrong. Now I need to try and find my place in this club.
As I pull some of my dresses from the closet, the bedroom door flies open. My eyes snap up as Nycto storms inside in a gruff. He shuts it softly behind him, not matching the anger in his features.
Turning, I face him. “Look, I get you don’t want me to go—”
“No, I don’t. I fucked-up. I own that, but Eva, you’re being stubborn as hell. I put my life, my club… hell, every-fucking-thing on the line for you. Did I do this the wrong way? Sure, but you know who I am. Don’t try to disguise your hurt by saying you don’t know me or believe in me. That’s bullshit, and you know it. You’re just scared because there’s something here, and you don’t want to seem like less of a person for accepting you still care even with all my faults.”
I throw my hands in the air. “You think I care about looking like less of a person? All those people out there see I’ve been played the fool this entire time. There’s nothing I can do about that. You think I’m angry because of how I look to everyone, Nycto? No. I’m angry because you lied to me time and time again, even when you knew I was struggling so badly. Do I want to be with you after that? Yes, of course, I do, but I can’t see how.”
His stern stance softens as he exhales. “I hurt you. I knew this was going to hurt you. I got in too deep. Chiquita, I just wanted you to stay. I didn’t want you to run and be caught up in that sex ring all over again. All of this was so you wouldn’t leave… me.”
Sinking in on myself at his brutal honesty, I step forward. “How do we get past this, Nycto?”
He takes my hands in his, pulling me to him. I want to pull away, but instead, I fall into his arms needing his touch. “Let me help you.”
The pure compassion seeping from him right now is soothing me. “How?”
Nycto runs his hand along the side of my cheek. I didn’t fathom how much I needed him to touch me until right now. “I shouldn’t do this. It goes against every fucking thing in my body, in my head, but I know you need it.”
I look at him in curiosity. “I don’t know what you’re saying?”
He presses his forehead to mine. “I’m going to take you for a ride on my bike. It won’t be long or far. Just enough for you to get some fresh air. Clear your mind a little.”
Excitement bubbles up inside of me as I bounce up on my toes.
I’m leaving the