personal moment. Warmth oozes from his body as he leans over and slides a few strands of hair from her forehead.
How could these men be so cruel yet so kind at the same time?
I don’t understand any of this, and it’s driving me insane because I’m starting to question who is actually the bad guy here. Is it them … or is it me?
Anna’s in this bed because of me. She escaped thanks to me, and then she sought to end it all. If I’d known, I would’ve never taken her along. But I didn’t ask. I was too focused on my own problems that I couldn’t see clearly. I was selfish.
“I’m sorry,” I say, swallowing back the tears when he looks up into my eyes with the most solemn look I’ve ever seen.
“Okay,” he replies.
“Okay?” I repeat.
“What do you want?” he asks.
“I … I …” I mutter. “I don’t know.”
“Sorry doesn’t fix this,” he says.
“I know,” I reply, shaking my head. “But I just wanted her to know I didn’t do it on purpose. I just—”
“You just wanted to escape. And you brought her with you … so she could die,” he says.
“No,” I say, licking my lips as a tear rolls down my cheeks. “I didn’t know this was going to happen.”
“But it did,” he barks.
He’s not giving me an ounce of forgiveness. Not even one single iota. And it hurts.
I lower my head between my shoulders. “If I could trade places with her, I would.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” he says. “And I don’t want you to.” He caresses her again. “She deserves better than that.”
I nod a few times, sinking away into the silence. “She did …”
He glances up at me with a serious look on his face. “She will get better.”
I hope he’s right. I pray she does. Because if not, her death will shatter my already brittle soul.
“You might think what we do here is wrong. That it’s heinous. Criminal,” he says. “But some people need this. Some people … heal from this.”
Maybe he’s right. Maybe some people really do need this. I just could not understand because I didn’t know what it was like living with the guilt. But now I do.
If Anna really did get her parents murdered … she must’ve been living with so much guilt.
Even if she wouldn’t admit it to herself, no one can do something so terrible without snapping their own heart in two.
I wonder if she would have gone through with it if she knew what it really meant.
If she knew how much hurt it would cause, even to herself.
Maybe she realized, in the end, it wasn’t worth it. That her boyfriend convinced her to do something she really didn’t want to do. And then she stopped wanting to live.
I sigh to myself.
Poor Anna. If I could take away the pain, I would.
“If I had known what she … did … I wouldn’t have taken her with me,” I say.
“Because having your parents killed is terrible and inhumane?”
Well, that’s bold. I didn’t want to say it like that, but I guess he’s right.
I suck in a breath. “Because she needed to face what she did. And I stopped her from doing that.”
He gazes at me for a moment, the look in his eyes sincerely surprised. Then he nods. “What we do here is necessary.”
“I understand now,” I reply.
“Do you?” he reiterates, lowering his head.
“I …” I don’t know what he wants me to say.
That I was wrong?
That I just didn’t know that we truly deserved all of this?
“So you believe us now when we say you are here for a reason?” he asks.
I take in another deep breath and look at Anna for a second. She knew. She knew deep inside her heart, yet I managed to convince her otherwise.
“I just wish I knew why,” I say. “Anna knew.”
“If you’re truly ready, you will know what to do,” he says.
My lips part, but I don’t know what to say.
Tobias looks down at Anna again and cocks his head tenderly. “She was ready.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. But no matter how many times I say it, nothing will make it okay. Nothing will make her okay again. Except time.
But I will not sit idly by and let myself befall the same fate.
Even if I deserve everything I’ve got coming for me.
Chapter 30
Eli
The moment my door creaks open, I already have a smile plastered onto my face.
She’s here.
I knew she would come. I’ve known since the minute I left her in her