distance at the world that is still asleep and won't be fully awake for some time now.
The lights are on in only a few windows at the hotel I can see from here. There's no one walking the street below but there are a few cars, probably taking people to early morning flights.
I open my laptop to do a little work, the work that I've neglected over this long weekend, but my mind doesn't focus. I need to get some exercise. I decide to go downstairs to the hotel gym. All nice Marriotts have them and they typically only get busy around five in the morning and in the evenings. It's only three.
I take my iPad, lace my shoes, and bring the room key. The gym is expectedly empty. There are treadmills in the corner, weights at the other end, and a row of elliptical trainers. I get on the treadmill.
I walk first on a steep incline, a ten percent grade, setting the speed to 1.5, then 2.5, then 3. I try to do some work, go through my emails, but my mind doesn't focus so I put on an audiobook and turn up the speed to run.
I haven't run in a while and I feel it in my bones and muscles. My hamstrings ache, but I push on. I grabbed a little cup of water when I came in and I force it to my lips to hydrate. It's nowhere near enough, but it feels good running down the back of my throat. I run for a long time this morning. I lose myself in the story and vary the speed, taking small breaks here and there, but I keep running.
My body starts to feel engaged, energized. I know that in five or six hours I'm due for a crash, but I couldn't sleep anyway. Why not take advantage?
I have suffered with insomnia for many years. I've taken medications, a variety of pills, and about two years ago, I weaned myself off. Slowly but surely, the pills are sinister. You take them to get rest. It's not as perfect as a real night’s sleep, so you wake up a little groggy every day. But after a while, you can't not take them.
It becomes an addiction. I relied on them for a while and then quit cold turkey. Not being able to hold on and go back, I tried different brands but they all had the same effect.
Eventually, I managed to quit. Since I continued to gamble, my insomnia wasn't that much of a concern. In fact, being able to stay up late without stimulants is a big positive in casino life. You can imagine everybody else who was downing their 5-hour Energy drinks and their tenth cup of espresso. I would just be able to stay up naturally, powered by my own inability to sleep and rest.
I probably aged a decade during that time. I tried to drink a lot of water, to stay in shape, to keep myself hydrated. I didn't smoke cigarettes like everyone else, but the insomnia was threatening me. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Depression set in, and after losing a lot of money, I had a hard time moving forward.
I told Jacqueline about this last night. She listened carefully, nodding her head, reaching over and intertwining her fingers with mine.
I didn't need her sympathy. I just needed her to understand where I was coming from. We need to know our history in order to make sure that we don't repeat it.
This morning's run makes me so weak I want to lie down on the floor and never get up.
But after ten minutes of catching my breath, I realize that it's exactly what I needed. I am spent and exhausted to the point of actually being able to sleep. I don't bother with the shower, but head straight upstairs and climb into bed as quietly as possible. Jacqueline tosses around a few times, but then she turns away from me and I close my eyes and drift off.
A few hours later, a loud alarm clock blares on her side of the room and it takes me a good few beeps to actually force my eyes open.
13
Dante
The sweat from the run had dried leaving my skin covered in a thin layer of residue. My head throbs and I wish I could sleep for hours longer. Jacqueline rubs her eyes and raises her arms over her head. When the sheet falls down exposing her breasts,