the police, they let me know that I’m not a suspect and I don’t have to go back to the station. Crow hires two new people, so I don’t feel so guilty about sitting around in my underwear for a few days. Crow, Saint, Renny and Temper come to my apartment to install security cameras and put extra locks on all the doors and windows. Better to be safe than sorry, they say.
But it’s too late for Billie, and right now I don’t really care what happens to me. I just want everyone else to be safe.
Am I supposed to just hang around until my uncle sorts this out? Is he going to kill Jasper? What’s going to happen to Jean? I wish I knew what his plan was. I’d rather the two of them end up in prison than be killed, if I’m being honest, but I know it’s up to them to handle the situation as they see fit.
“Hey,” Crow says as he steps inside, locking the door behind him. “Have you moved from that spot since I left this morning?”
“Yes, I went to the fridge and the bathroom,” I reply, smiling at him sadly. “How was work? How are the new staff?”
Small talk. Small talk is safe, and I’d rather talk about anything other than how I feel right now.
“They’re good. I should have hired people sooner,” he admits, sitting down close to me. “Everyone is worried about you, and asking when you’ll be back.”
“I’m the worst employee ever,” I say, sighing and resting my cheek on his shoulder. “Lucky I have a good boss, huh?” Any other job and I’d definitely be fired by now.
“Your job is always there for you,” he promises, pressing his lips against my temple. “And if you don’t want it, and you need to take a break from work completely, that’s okay too. You’ve been through more than any one person should, so no one would blame you if you need a break.”
“I want to work,” I tell him, frowning. I’ve never not worked, and I’m not someone who would ever be okay with not paying my own way. I wasn’t raised like that. But I appreciate his offer and understand where he’s coming from, wanting me to put my mental health first. Crow really is a man who looks after his woman, physically, mentally, emotionally...and even financially. Even though I wouldn’t accept that, it hasn’t gone unnoticed.
“Just saying, you do have options,” he says gently. “I spoke to your uncle today.”
“What did he say?” I ask.
“He said he has a plan and needs a little time, and for us not to worry. Just try to stay safe, and he’s handling it,” Crow explains.
How am I supposed to not worry?
As much as I appreciate my uncle handling things, I want my say in what is going to happen. I don’t like that decisions are being made without my involvement. Maybe Nadia was right and we should’ve gone to the police. At least then I’d be able to look my father’s killer in the eye.
“Okay.” I sigh. “I just want all of this to be over, you know? I’m glad we found out the truth about everything, but it came with a price.”
A price too high: a life. Something I can’t afford or replace.
Billie.
Closing my eyes, I picture her beautiful face, and wish that things were different. She was the sister I never had, the person who knew me better than anyone else besides my dad.
But I can’t change what happened. And the only thing I can do now is see this through, and try not to let the guilt and regret eat me from the inside out.
“You can’t look at it like that,” Crow murmurs, standing up and pulling me with him. “Come on, let’s make some dinner. You need to eat.”
“Okay,” I reply, following him into the kitchen. I go through the motions, but the truth is that with every tragedy I’m changing, evolving, and I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.
Grief is a monster.
We cook spaghetti together, and not for the first time I thank my lucky stars that Crow came into my life. With all the bad going on, I don’t want to ever forget the good, and he’s really being my strength through everything that has happened.
“I love you,” I say, stopping him in his tracks with my hand on his chest. “Like, I really, really love you.”
Completely.
“I love you too,” he replies, smiling