No one really likes looking like a fool, do they?”
Everybody wants the truth, especially when it has to do with them. But I know that no one wanted to tell me because it’s not something to randomly bring up in conversation. Hey, Bronte, so what do you think that your father and uncle are serious players in the illegal drug industry? I don’t know I would’ve believed them even if someone did tell me that.
But I am still allowed to be upset by this.
“You don’t look like a fool,” he assures me, stroking my hair. “You look like a good, honest woman, and one who has never even used drugs, never mind knew her family was dealing them. They didn’t want you a part of this, and I’m sure you can understand why. They didn’t want to taint you, and bring you down with them. What they did was their decision. It has nothing to do with you as a person or how they feel about you.”
There’s merit to what he says, but it’s kind of hard not to take this personally.
“Hey, I tried marijuana in high school,” I whisper, laughing. “It was just once, when I was going through my rebellious stage.”
He laughs at that. “Sounds like you were a real bad girl.”
“You have no idea,” I say, smiling sadly. “Dad never found out. He always trusted me and thought the best of me no matter what. I could do no wrong in his eyes. You know what?”
“What?”
“I probably won’t be able to have kids, and I never told him that.”
Crow looks at me, confused by my random fact.
“I have a history of abnormal cells on my cervix, and I had a few surgeries to remove them. However, if they’re just going to continue to grow back, my doctor recommended that I get a hysterectomy, especially since there is cancer in my family history. My mother died of ovarian cancer.”
I refuse to look Crow in the eye, recognizing it’s the first time I’m really talking about this with someone without blowing it off as nothing serious. I realize I’ve been withholding telling people the full extent of what is going on with me because I didn’t want to acknowledge the severity of it. But now, after Dad’s death, I know I owe it to him to face it.
“My dad knew about the surgeries and the abnormal cells, but I never told him about the hysterectomy I may need. I never shared that with him, because I knew he would have been so upset, and now he’s gone and it’s too late.” I turn to him. “You’re the first person I’ve told this to. No one is going to want me after I have a hysterectomy.”
He pulls me closer. “That’s not true. And there are other ways to have children. You could adopt or foster. It doesn’t mean you’ll never be a mother, if that’s what you want. It doesn’t have to be the end of your dreams.”
“I know. There are other options out there, you’re right. But, since it was just me and my dad, I’ve always craved that familial connection. Before Abbie, I didn’t really have anyone who was blood related to me other than my dad and uncle. So while I know there are many other ways to be a mother, having a child of my own was something I always wanted. And now that Dad is gone, it’s something I wish I had more than ever,” I admit. “Maybe it’s best that Dad didn’t know, because he always wanted to be a grandfather.”
“He sounds like a great man,” Crow says. “I’m so happy that I got to meet him that one time and I could tell that we’d have gotten along.”
“He liked you,” I say. “He told me that.”
“That means a lot to me, to hear that. Most of the best men I know are in the MC. We get judged and looked down upon, so you can’t always trust what other people think. He loved you. You knew him. Yes, there was a side he kept secret to protect you from the truth, but that doesn’t change his love for you.”
“I know,” I agree. “I think it’s just hard to think about him having another side to him. One I never saw. If it wasn’t Uncle Neville and it was anyone else telling me this about him, I wouldn’t have believed them. That’s how out of character this seems.”
“I know. People are intricate. I don’t