of an hour, word of honour, I’ll bring you my report: how he’s feeling, how he’s sleeping, etcetera. Then (listen!) I’ll dash from your place to mine (I’ve got guests there, all drunk) and grab Zosimov – that’s the doctor who’s treating him, he’s at my place now, sober. He’s always sober, that man, always! And I’ll drag him over to Rodya and then straight on to you, so in the space of an hour you’ll get two bulletins, one from the doctor – that’s right, the doctor himself, so you can forget about me! If it’s bad news I’ll bring you here myself, I swear, and if it’s good news you can just go to bed. And I’ll spend the whole night here, near the door, he won’t even hear, and I’ll tell Zosimov to sleep at the landlady’s, so as to have him on hand. Well, what’s the best thing for him now, you or a doctor? A doctor and no two ways about it. So you’re best going home! The landlady’s out of the question; for you, I mean, not for me: she won’t have you, because . . . because she’s a fool. She’s fond of me and jealous of Avdotya Romanovna, if you must know, and of you, too, come to that . . . But definitely Avdotya Romanovna. A quite astonishing individual! But then I’m a fool, too . . . Never mind! Let’s go! Do you believe me? Well, do you believe me or don’t you?’
‘Let’s go, Mama,’ said Avdotya Romanovna. ‘I’m sure he’ll do as he says. He’s already brought my brother back to life, and if it’s true that the doctor will agree to spend the night here, then what could be better?’
‘See, you . . . you . . . you understand me . . . You’re an angel!’ cried Razumikhin in ecstasy. ‘Let’s go! Nastasya! Go up, quick as you can, and sit with him, with a candle; I’ll be back in a quarter of an hour . . .’
Pulkheria Alexandrovna, though not entirely convinced, offered no further resistance. Razumikhin took them both by the arm and dragged them down the stairs. Still, he worried her: ‘Yes, he’s competent and he’s kind, but is he in any condition to do what he promises? Just look at the state of him!’
‘Ah, I see what you’re thinking: I mean, look at the state of me!’ Razumikhin broke in, guessing her thoughts and striding with great big steps along the pavement, with both ladies struggling to keep up – not that he noticed. ‘Poppycock! I mean . . . I’m as drunk as an oaf, but that’s not the point. I’m not drunk from drink. It was seeing you that went to my head . . . But never mind me! Take no notice: I’m talking rubbish. I’m unworthy of you . . . I’m exceedingly unworthy of you! . . . But just as soon as I’ve walked you home I’ll pour two tubs of water over my head right here by the Ditch and I’ll be ready . . . If you only knew how much I love you both! . . . Don’t laugh! Don’t get angry! Get angry with everyone else, but don’t get angry with me! I’m his friend, so I’m your friend too . . . I had a feeling this would happen . . . last year there was this moment . . . Actually, that’s not true at all: you fell out of a clear blue sky. And now, I expect I won’t sleep a wink all night . . . That Zosimov was afraid he might go mad . . . That’s why he mustn’t be irritated . . .’
‘What are you saying?’ cried Pulkheria Alexandrovna.
‘Did the doctor really say that?’ asked Avdotya Romanovna, frightened.
‘He did, but he’s completely off the mark. He even gave him some medicine, a powder, I saw him, and then you arrived . . . Dear me! You’re better off coming back tomorrow! A good job we left. And in an hour’s time Zosimov himself will give you a full report. Now there’s a man who’s not drunk! And I won’t be drunk either . . . But why did I have to get so tanked? Because they picked an argument, damn them! Just when I’d vowed