flashed your happy trail at her,” Colton added.
The Russian giggled. “Frank and beans.”
Malcolm waved his hands. “We’re missing a step. At which point in all of this did you tell her how you feel about her?”
The table got quiet. Noah winced and looked at his lap.
“Noah, you did tell her how you feel about her, right?” Malcolm said.
“I—not exactly.”
The reaction that followed could not have been more violent if he’d been caught cosplaying Kylo Ren with a white lightsaber. The group exploded in a burst of swear words and pounding fists.
“You idiot!” Mack finally sputtered.
Colton snorted and shook his head. “You realize you’re a giant fucking moron, right?”
A sour taste stung the back of his throat. “I tried to talk to her,” Noah protested. “She won’t listen to me.”
Mack snorted and looked at Malcolm. “What would you say is your pet peeve about poorly crafted romance novels?”
Malcolm crossed his arms. “That would be when two adult characters avoid having a grown-up conversation that could change the course of the story.”
Two waiters emerged from the kitchen then, balancing heavy trays of what looked like twenty different plates. The Russian clapped and tucked a napkin in his shirt. Noah didn’t share his enthusiasm. His appetite was nonexistent. He picked listlessly at various options but barely tasted the food and ignored the conversation about which items Mack should pick for the wedding.
Malcolm nudged him with his knee. “You know what I love most about the books?” he asked quietly.
Noah bit back a mean retort. He didn’t want to talk about the fucking books, but he also desperately wanted Malcolm’s wisdom. So he said nothing.
“I love how they can make us cheer for pretty much any character if we just understand why they’re doing something. We’ll let them get away with pretty much anything—including pushing away the woman they desperately want—if they have a strong motivation. The why behind their actions.”
The entire table went quiet, every man eager to hear what Malcolm had to say, like children sitting at the feet of their favorite teacher.
“The crucial question we have to ask, both in the books and in life, is why. Why does a character do the things he does? What is the underlying cause of his fears, his mistakes?”
Noah didn’t like where Malcolm was going.
“You keep saying that you were afraid to make a move with her because she’s vulnerable,” Malcolm said. “But maybe you’re the one who’s vulnerable. Maybe you stopped kissing her not to protect her, but to protect yourself.”
The silence that followed his words this time was reverent, somber, and made Noah’s skin itch. He felt suddenly exposed, and not because he’d just admitted to making out with his best friend.
“Noah, why did you stop her from taking things further last night?”
“I told you. I wanted to make sure it was what she really wanted, that she wasn’t just upset.”
Malcolm shook his head. “You know Alexis. Would she do that?”
The sting of bile turned his mouth sour. Noah shook his head. No, she wouldn’t do that. Self-loathing bled into regret and panic as the full weight of what he’d done settled in the dark, churning pit of his stomach. After more than a year of being accused by strangers of using her body for everything from revenge to furthering her career, Noah had all but acted as if she’d done the same—of using her body to satisfy some kind of temporary emotional need.
Holy fucking shit. What had he done? He shoved his plate away and propped his elbows on the table so he could bury his face in his hands.
“I think you stopped her because you weren’t sure if it was what you wanted,” Malcolm said.
Noah looked up at that. “Of course it’s what I want!”
“Maybe all this stuff about not wanting to burden her when she’s already upset is all just one big excuse. Maybe you’re just afraid of what’s on the other end of this change in your relationship.”
Noah didn’t like the truth in that accusation. Noah ground his hands into his eyes. “This is why I never wanted to act on my feelings. Because I knew it could ruin our friendship.”
“It won’t if you tell her how you really feel.” Malcolm gently pounded a fist on Noah’s back. “And more importantly, show her how you feel. Let her see it. Let her see you.”
“Just tell me what to do,” Noah said, desperation turning his voice into a whine.
“You gotta give her some space like she asked,” Mack said.