She threw her arms up in the air in defeat. “You grew up with him! He was your friend – he’s still your friend!”
“The Max we grew up with is long gone.”
“Because of the hole?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “I heard what you said to Jem the night he took you out, the night you suddenly started hating him. You said you felt guilty –”
“Jem made it clear I shouldn’t be,” he cut in swiftly. “I had a weak moment, Charlotte.”
“Jem has weak moments too,” she replied. “He just hides it better. I wouldn’t follow his advice –”
“Charlotte, you don’t understand –”
“When you go through hell, Conor, you don’t come out the same. I thought you’d know this more than anyone. And Locke? Locke was an innocent child. Who did he have when he got out?”
Thames simply shook his head at her. She didn’t get it. “You don’t know what we went through,” he rasped, looking haunted. “You don’t understand the hell that day brought on all of us. What happened to Locke was awful, Charlotte, but that doesn’t excuse what he is now.”
“I’m not saying he’s normal. I’m simply saying that boy you grew up with is still in there.” Her eyes misted. “And that boy needs you. And he needs Jem. And he needs Dominic. You all need each other. The past, the past is coming back, it’s all coming back and you’re all drowning. And Max, he’s drowning quicker than all of you combined, baby.”
“You don’t get it…” Thames shook his head, images flashing through his head of that day. If he thought long enough about it, he could still feel the cold in his bones.
He might still remember the way that man in the green jacket looked.
“I know I don’t,” she said softly. “I know you all went through hell that day. But what about after? He is living that day on repeat every single day of his life.”
“I tried bringing Max back,” he said quietly now, lost in thought. “Jem tried. Dom tried. We all did our best, Char.”
She sucked a breath in, looking bitter. “You didn’t try hard enough. You all gave up. Focused on yourselves –”
“Jesus, dove.”
“No, it’s true!”
He didn’t respond. Maybe there was more than just guilt in him. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, he might remember chasing skirts while Max watched from the distance, a void.
“This town abandoned him,” she went on to say hoarsely. “Everybody buried it. What do you think that does to a little boy, Conor?”
“He was offered help.”
“From adults he couldn’t trust. There is a poison in this town you’re not privy to, Conor.”
“Are you justifying what he is?”
“I’m saying even though it changed him and he is the way he is now, he still cares for you all. He does, Conor, don’t shake your head. Listen to me. He cares for you. He just expresses it differently.”
“No, Char,” Thames retorted severely. “He doesn’t express it at all.”
He didn’t.
Locke was an enigma now. One Thames could never come close enough to crack.
“I would have traded places,” Conor said just then, the air in his lungs growing light. “I tried, Charlotte. I tried…”
He lightly brushed a finger along his bottom lip, remembering the searing pain of that knife as it cut into his mouth.
“I fought, too,” he continued in a daze. “I stuck around. I searched for him and…that man…”
“That man what?” Charlotte pushed desperately. “What happened, Conor?”
He felt a chill run down his spine. He still felt the fear of that day. He’d relived it so many times in his cell. Why did it have to follow him here, in this house, in this bed with his love?
His face turned cold. “Stop going back there, Charlotte. Stop using his past to excuse what he is now.”
“Fine.” Looking defeated, she turned away, shaking her head. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s late, or early, I don’t know. I need some coffee. I need some food. Then we can bring it up again –”
“He’s using you, I think,” Thames interrupted, his voice dropping into a quiet murmur. He tilted his head to the side, waiting for her to look back at him. When she did, he continued. “Dove, he didn’t have to hire you. He didn’t have to save you. He didn’t have to implicate you in all his dirty dealings. Have you considered why he’s brought you into the fold? Wouldn’t a man like him just hire a bunch of dirty men