slow breaths through my nose and releasing them out of my mouth. “May I speak?”
His arms cross in front of his chest, and it’s a clear sign he isn’t going to be very receptive of anything I say. It almost makes me wish I was guilty of what he’s accusing me of. At least it would make everything worth it.
“Sophia goes through my mail. It’s one of the things she offered to do so I could focus more of my time and energy clearing cases. Which, I might add, has happened at an astonishing rate the last six weeks.” I point to the letter I dropped on the side table, but his assessing eyes stay on me. “She freaked out when she opened one envelope and found that letter. I haven’t read the entire thing, but I scanned it on the walk from my office. It’s graphic, extremely detailed about how I’m going to die and how my entire family, including my dog, is going to be tortured.”
“You don’t have a dog,” Monahan says, and it brings a smile to my face. I have more in common with this man than I want to admit.
“I know. Sophia didn’t know that.” It’s my first lie since I walked in here. “She was terrified, shaking, and crying.”
Okay, so she wasn’t crying until I pulled her to my chest, but he’ll never know the true sequence of events.
“I’ve been thinking for weeks that she wasn’t ready to just be thrown into the type of cases I work. Most patrol officers don’t see the kind of stuff she’s been dealing with while working with me. It’s too much for her. I don’t know what tipped the scale today, but she was nearly inconsolable. I hugged her. It was a comforting move, and I think her father would be okay with that.”
Another lie. Dominic Anderson would never be okay with me having my hands on his daughter for any reason.
“I wondered the same thing before I put her with you.” Monahan finally drops his arms, the guarded stance slowly fading away. He circles his desk before falling into his office chair. “I made the assumption that she was just as strong as the man who raised her, but it’s clear I fucked up.”
“I don’t think it was the letter on its own, but it just came at the right time.”
“We need to distance her from the cases.”
“What?” I snap my eyes back to him. “No.”
I’ve had enough distance from her, all of it emotional. I won’t survive actual physical distance.
“Your objection makes my mind go right back to my original way of thinking.”
Jesus, fuck. I can’t win.
“She has seven days after today. I think if you pull her from my cases now, she’s going to think she’s done something wrong.”
“She hasn’t,” he agrees. “But I don’t want the girl losing sleep over the shit she’s seeing in the field.”
He was probably more focused on my arms around her when he came in my office, but I know if she turned around to face him, he would’ve seen the darkness under her eyes. Like he said, he’s been doing this job for a long time. I don’t know if those smudges are there because of me or the job. Would it make me a complete asshole if it made me feel slightly better if she was losing sleep over me the way I have been with her?
Probably.
“Seven more days, Chief. She’s planning to go to grad school. I think she made up her mind on her own that she isn’t ready for this line of work.”
His hand rubs at the stubble forming on his chin as he thinks about it.
“She can help work scenes with you if you get called out, but I don’t want her spending much time with the victims. You’re right about most cops having the shit she’s seen spread out over years and years. I think she’s just been too close to a bunch of bad shit at too high of a rate.” He points toward the letter I brought in here. “Ease her fears by arresting the fucker who mailed that fucking letter first.”
“You got it, Chief.”
I stand from the chair and turn around to grab the letter.
“And, Matthews?” I turn to face him again. “I don’t doubt anything you told me in here today, but I’m not a damn fool either. There was more than comfort in your eyes earlier. Seven more days until she’s out of here. Keep your