you two? You know, just relax a bit.’
‘Of course,’ Clooney says, helping me to stand, as if I’m suddenly incapable.
‘I’ll be fine.’ I push past them both and head for the bedroom. I just need to wallow for a while under the duvet.
Chapter Forty-Three
I hear someone walking up the stairs as I enter the bedroom. I turn, ready to insist to Clooney I’m fine again. Instead it’s Ella.
She smiles sweetly, almost cautiously. ‘It’s just me. You don’t have to bullshit. What’s going on?’
I sigh, sitting on the bed cross legged. My eyes start to well up again. Why am I so bloody emotional all of a sudden?
‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’ I sob, the back of my throat threatening to close. ‘I must be due on or something.’
She sits down next to me patting my leg. ‘It’s obvious for me to see. You thought you could just screw Clooney, but now you’ve caught feelings.’
How can someone as oblivious as Ella be so perceptive?
‘You make it sound like a disease,’ I snort, a snot bubble appearing from my nose.
She smiles, eyes drooped in sympathy. She takes a tissue out of her pocket and hands it over to me. ‘So, is it just that you want more and you’re scared he doesn’t?’
I sigh, dabbing at my eyes. ‘Oh, if only it were that simple.’ I blow my nose nosily.
‘Explain,’ she demands.
Where to begin? I’m emotionally drained from it all.
‘He’s basically told me he doesn’t want more. He’s been messed around or something in the past. Doesn’t think relationships are worth it.’
She grimaces. ‘That’s madness. You guys are great together.’ She shakes her head. ‘And from the screaming coming from his room I’d say you have no problems there.’ She winks, grinning.
Oh god, I hate that she hears us, but these walls are very thin. You’d think the ugly, thick bobbled wallpaper we couldn’t get off would provide some sound proofing.
‘Yeah, but that’s just how it is.’ I shrug. ‘Just sex.’ I pull my legs up to my chest.
‘So what spooked you today so bad it brought the tears on? Did Fergus say something particularly nasty?’ I’ve never heard her so gentle and soothing before. She must think I’ve really lost it.
‘Okay, but first, promise you won’t repeat this. I’m breaking Clooney’s trust by saying this.’ I already hate myself for it, but I need to confide in someone.
She raises her eyebrows. ‘Cross my heart, hope to die, flick a -’
God, she’s like a pre-schooler sometimes.
‘Yeah, fine,’ I interrupt. I lower my voice to a whisper. I really shouldn’t be telling her this, but there’s no way to explain and leave it out. ‘So he actually has a gambling problem. His dad has bailed him out for a lot of money.’
Her eyes widen. ‘Shit, you were right after all.’ She scoots closer so our knees are touching. ‘Sounds like that’s a reason not to fall in love with him.’
I scoff a laugh. ‘I’m not falling in love with him.’ As soon as it leaves my mouth, I know it’s a lie.
She barks a laugh. ‘Please, Phoebe, you fall in love with everyone.’
‘No, I don’t!’ What the hell is she talking about? I’m not some hopeless romantic that falls for every guy I meet. That sounds more like her.
‘Oh come on.’ She crosses her arms over her chest. ‘Even when we were kids you’d fall in love with a lady bug and insist on naming it, putting it in a jar and bringing it with us. You used to cry so hard when Mum made you put it back out into the wild.’
‘Maybe I just wanted a pet,’ I reason with a shrug. I forgot about my lady bug phase. That doesn’t mean she’s right though.
She nudges me on the shoulder. ‘And what about the homeless man near your flat?’
‘Lenny?’ Ah, I miss seeing Lenny. ‘I’d love to call him, but he doesn’t believe in mobile phones, the eclectic loveable weirdo.’
‘Most people would just give him some change, maybe a sandwich, but not you. No, you talked to him and found out his story. Then you brought him home cooked food every day.’
‘It was hardly home cooked. Most of the time it was just cheap microwave meals or KFC.’
‘Regardless,’ she snaps, clearly losing her patience with me. ‘You didn’t stop until you’d registered him with that charity. Until he had temporary housing and then a council flat. Then a job. And even now we’ve moved to a new country you still wish