He’s like a big hairy bear with his beard and long greying hair tied back into a ponytail.
‘Jesus, Dad, go easy,’ I squeak as my lungs contract with the pressure of my ribs being squeezed.
‘Sorry, but I haven’t seen my baby girl in so long.’ He beams down at me. ‘She’s always too busy off being sensible.’
I see Clooney smile behind him. Yeah, yeah, another reason for him to rib me; being boring. I can’t actually believe he’s meeting them. I feel embarrassed that he’ll see where we come from. What an obviously looney upbringing we’ve had. Especially after allowing myself to be so vulnerable in front of him last night.
‘We don’t actually have a spare bedroom for you,’ I admit on a grimace.
‘Don’t be silly, I’ll take the sofa,’ Clooney offers.
He can be such a gentleman sometimes.
Mum practically glows back at him. ‘Where did you find this lovely young man? He’s so charming.’
I look at him puffing out his chest proudly, amusement dancing in his eyes as if to say; told you so, I’m amazing.
‘Yeah, yeah, he’s wonderful,’ I snarl, rolling my eyes. ‘So were you in Ireland already?’ I can’t help but ask. I don’t believe for a second they’ve come all this way just for us.
Ella gives a warning look. It says; this is why they don’t visit a lot.
Well, sorry if I like to have my information. Sorry that I don’t like to just go with the flow like the rest of them.
‘We are due at a protest in Dublin tomorrow, yes,’ Mum admits.
‘What is it for this time?’ I ask, already bored. I knew it. They’re always too busy saving the world to give us a second thought.
‘We’re saving the bees.’
Of course they are.
Mum darts a quick anxious gaze to Dad. ‘We also have something we need to discuss.’ She wrings her hands together. ‘As a family.’
They look to Clooney. This isn’t like them. Normally they’re so open with everything its crushingly embarrassing. I remember them talking about a healthy sex life with my first boyfriend from a similar protester family. Then suggesting I go on the pill. I nearly died from shame.
‘Enough said.’ He nods and gets up, picking up his packet of cigarettes. ‘I’ll leave you to it.’ I watch him head straight outside. I really wish he’d have grabbed a jacket. It’s freezing out there.
‘Sit down, Phoebe,’ Dad says, gesturing towards a bar stool.
This is beyond weird. He’s never asked me to sit down. He’s never been serious before. I look to Mum, but she’s avoiding my eye line, tapping her foot on the floor.
‘Do you know what this is about?’ I ask Ella.
She shakes her head, frowning and biting her lip. Okay, so at least it’s not just me in the dark.
‘So, girls,’ Dad starts, twiddling with his fingers. Mum squirms on her seat next to him.
Oh god. That’s when it hits me. Dad is ill. He’s dying. Of course he is. That’s the only reason for him to be this deadly serious. Deadly being the word.
‘As you know, we don’t believe in a lot of traditional values.’
Oh god, he’s trying to tell us he’s refusing Western medicine. That he doesn’t want treatment. He’s just going to give up and let it take him. Hope a cup full of Mum’s herbs will save him. Stupid bastard.
Ella nods. ‘Like why you never bothered to get married.’
Oh poor innocent Ella. This will crush her. She’s always been such a Daddy’s Girl.
‘Yes,’ Dad nods at her, his face still grave.
‘Although we are married together by the universe,’ Mum says expanding her arms out wide. ‘Everyone knows it’s in mother nature’s hands who we are drawn to.’
Jesus. Spare me the rest of this crap. I smile and nod in an attempt to speed things along.
‘Well,’ Dad continues, clearing his throat. ‘One of the reasons we didn’t marry was because we don’t believe in the conventionality of marriage.’
I look to Ella. ‘Sorry, I’m not following.’ Why is he going on about marriage? ‘Are you ill?’
Mum scoffs. ‘Your father isn’t ill, Phoebe. He’s trying to tell you something very difficult.’
Oh, so he’s not dying. What the hell could he be confessing to then?
‘Your father doesn’t believe in monogamy.’
My mouth drops open. Shit.
‘You mean.’ Ella swallows. ‘That you’ve had affairs?’
Oh my god, my dad is a dirty old cheating bastard. Honestly you think you know someone. Think they’re just a boring old fart who talks too much about the environment and then you find out they’ve been shagging