out. I hadn’t really been able to cry since Monica had gone. I’d let out a few tears of frustration, but my chest still felt like a bottle filled to the brim and ready to explode, and somehow that was so much worse.
My chest was so heavy I wanted to reach into my heart and throw it out. There was no reason for me to feel so betrayed. I tried to fill my mind with memories of Monica and me, back when things were good. But it only made me sadder. It was so unfair.
In the few weeks of senior year, my mental health had plummeted. The Level One girls had ruined any self-esteem I had, both from Sophie’s snide comments about my body and the way they were constantly tearing apart the girls around us.
Every time they picked apart someone’s appearance, I wondered what they thought of my own. I stared at the defrosting pizza waiting for me on the stovetop and pushed it toward the trash. Even if I could stomach food in my state, the last thing I wanted was to feel guilty about the calories.
I became a robot. I mutely went through a list of things to take with me, from binoculars to a black scarf to cover my face. I had a lock pick, thanks to a handy investment I made over the summer when I wanted to get into my father’s locked desk drawer. I even packed a crowbar from the garage, in case I got desperate.
Sleep was impossible to find, no matter which way I lay or how hard I tried to ignore my whirling thoughts. I couldn’t stop thinking about William, and how cold he’d been on the phone. Really, it was a luxury that he’d been nice to me at all. I should have expected this.
But even that revelation didn’t make it easier. Especially since the moment I stopped thinking about William, I was reminded of something else. Stephanie Griffith’s horrified face as she was led through the hall. Maddy Danton switching our drinks. Monica’s gaze skimming past me in the halls.
At three thirty, I rose from bed, grabbing the black jeans and leather jacket I’d prepared. I laced light boots around my feet and swept my hair behind my ear with Monica’s hairpin for good luck. I was feeling determined, the low having worn off, leaving behind a desperation to make this right.
I was grabbing the keys to my mom’s car from the hook when headlights filtered through the silk curtains and into the room. I shielded my eyes for a few seconds before they switched off, the night feeling even darker than it had before.
It was no coincidence that a car was outside of my home at this hour.
I walked closer to the window, squinting. It was hard to make anything out in the night, but when he stepped out of his car and under the streetlight my heart hammered in recognition.
Wearing dark clothes and exhaling chilly clouds of condensation as he shoved his hands in his pockets was William Bishop.
Twenty-Six
Monica,
What would you have done for me?
During freshman year you told that boy to back off when he flicked a rubber band at my hair. One summer you gave me your ice-cream cone when mine fell to the floor. You’d spend hours doing my makeup, plucking my brows.
But you wouldn’t sacrifice popularity for me. You wouldn’t even try to have both.
I know, I’m naive. You couldn’t have both. It was them or me.
But I’d have done anything for you, Mon. I still would.
Love, Chloe
MY BREATHING HITCHED as I stepped out of the door.
“You changed your mind,” I said, my voice sounding faint in the quiet night air.
He raised his lips in a humorless half grin and crossed his arms over his chest wordlessly. I pursed my lips shut and headed to the car where he gestured, hoisting the duffel bag of tools over my shoulder and climbing into the passenger seat.
“Why?” I asked. My voice was croaky from the restless few hours of sleep I’d managed. I still wasn’t quite sure if this was a dream.
“Because I couldn’t live with myself if you went by yourself and something happened,” he said. “I’m still frustrated, Chloe. I think you’re being reckless. But I also know you’re smart, and I believe you can do this. That’s what scares me.”
“You want to be on my good side when all of this goes down?” I asked jokingly. I wanted to ease the tension