Buy a house. But none of that was enough for me. I have no social life because I bury myself with work, and the only time I usually get out is to walk Cap.”
Again, I say nothing.
“We all have our things,” he concludes, giving me a pointed look. “Nobody has it all together. Believe me.”
Biting down on the inside of my cheek, I count to three before saying anything. “I use Ainsley as an excuse a lot of times. It annoys my best friend. I think my parents pity me and Jesse doesn’t talk to me enough for me to know what he must think. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choices in life, like if I’d done something differently, I’d be somewhere else. But I’m not sure I’d want to be.”
“What would you have done differently?”
I shrug. “Anything. Like gone to a different college or gone out more. Dated. Made other friends. There are so many things I could have done and I’m pretty sure it would have impacted where I am now. But despite all the times I struggle, I don’t think I’d change it even if I could. I mean, I have the smartest, sweetest, kindest little girl. I’m lucky.”
He smiles. “I’m glad.”
I nod. “Me too.”
The rest of the drive is peacefully quiet as we listen to tunes. He sings along to himself, and I smile as I look out the window and listen to him. He’s different, less guarded, when he’s not on campus. There’s always something holding him back when we’re there. A barrier.
His job.
My position.
It isn’t until we’re seated in a booth in the cute log cabin-like establishment with our drink and food order in that I look at him with curiosity. “Doesn’t this feel wrong to you?”
His eyes widen a fraction. “Wrong?”
“I can see it in the way you compose yourself now compared to on campus.” I lean back, playing with my straw wrapper to busy my hands. “Your walls are up. You’re cautious there. Like if somebody sees us talking it’ll be bad. But it still doesn’t stop you from being there for me. It just made me wonder what you thought about it. You know, who we are to each other.”
“We’re friends. Old friends.”
I shake my head, brushing hair behind my ear and choosing my words carefully. “You’re my brother’s friend. You were Danny’s. I was the tagalong who you guys never wanted around.”
“That’s not true.”
I give him a knowing look.
“That’s not entirely true,” he amends apologetically. “I don’t think this is wrong, Piper. Do I think it’s fine? That we’re not potentially crossing some lines we shouldn’t? No. Part of me has to be cautious because of the delicate situation. But it doesn’t feel wrong.”
His honesty is appreciated.
“You’re going to gradate soon. If this is something you want to continue pursuing, if you decide to give me a shot, then we’ll discuss it when the time comes.” He leans forward, his forearms resting on the edge of the table. “But that doesn’t have to be a decision we make now, tomorrow, or next week. We’ll do what we always do. Go to school. Work. Be part of the environment we’re placed in and see where it takes us. Sound good?”
I blink. I’m not used to guys being so forward. He isn’t pushing anything on me, not even expectations. In fact, he doesn’t seem to hold onto anything that would indicate this could work. “Do you think it’ll work out for us?”
“I know that I like you,” he answers without a moment’s hesitation. “I admire you and your strength. You love with everything inside of you and are willing to sacrifice yourself for Ainsley. Anybody would stupid not to want to make things work.”
His words make me think of Easton, which makes the water I sip hard to swallow. Guilt rises in my chest and seeps into my conscience, but I keep brushing it away.
“What is it?” he asks.
Shaking my head, I keep a hold of the water glass. The condensation pools on my hand as my grip loosens. “I was just thinking about something … somebody.”
“Danny?”
I don’t answer.
He nods once. “Not Danny.” There’s no sadness in his tone. No accusation. He just states what he knows. “Want to talk about it?”
The last thing I want to talk to Carter about is my prior sleeping arrangements with my roommate. “Not really. I just had something with somebody for a while and it ended.”
“Exes can be tough to let go