letting that go as badly as it did. I didn’t mean to take everything out on her, but it was too scary to admit how much she meant to me while my family was reminding me of a lesson I learned long ago...Never count on anyone but yourself. If she was going to keep her blog thriving, she needed to do the same. And I needed to get back to doing that with my business.
I was more than ready to get home after that and snatched up my coat to head for the door, but just before turning out the lights I noticed something sitting in Hazel’s seat. I stepped closer and saw it was a neatly wrapped box, wrapped in a bow. Tossing my coat down again, I picked it up to carefully unwrap it.
Inside was a small pine tree ornament, lightly dusted with painted snow with a gold chain attached to the top. I held it in front of me, knowing instantly why she picked it. I could still remember the smell of sap and crackling fireplaces that surrounded us in the woods when we first kissed. I was no more sure of myself then than I was now, but my body seemed to know something I didn’t that night. It moved and spoke louder than all of my conflicted thoughts, and I was glad it did.
Putting the tree safely back into its box, I headed down the elevator and through the main lobby. I stopped in front of the double doors just in time to see Hazel climbing into the backseat of her cab. If this was a movie, I would have gone chasing after her. I would have had all the perfect things to say and she would be so happy. We’d kiss and live happily ever after. It would be perfect.
But this wasn’t a movie, and I was no more perfect than life itself was. I didn’t have the right words and didn’t know how to feel. Everything was better before when I expected nothing, wanted nothing.
I kept my feet firmly planted and watched Hazel ride away, thinking to myself it was for the best. Christmas was nothing more than just another day on the calendar, and she was nothing more than just another girl who made the mistake of thinking they could change me.
19
Hazel
How could I have been so very wrong? I sobbed to myself in the back of the cab, slinking down in the seat to avoid the embarrassing stare of the driver from the rearview. Surely he had seen his fair share of crying women that needed a getaway car. According to Chris, the whole world was full of nothing but miserable people. So things like this probably happened to taxi drivers every day.
But still...I could have sworn I had seen a spark of something else in him. Something softer, warmer. I guess I was just as wrong about that as I was about whatever feelings I thought he had for me. So stupid. He’s one of the richest most eligible bachelors in the city, according to Payton - even with his flailing business. It was foolish to think I was anything special to him. He probably had women fawning over him left and right.
I bolted inside of my apartment to rip off my coat and scarf. It was toasty inside, but all my anger and adrenaline had me sweating even outside in the cold. I wiped my cheeks and took a few deep breaths. I had to turn something in to my editors.
I poured a glass of wine and sat down at my laptop. Writing a new article usually excited me, filling me with optimism about the possibilities. I hated the way everything seemed to have a dingy film over it now. All of my favorite things were turning gray and slipping through my fingers like dust. Is that what it felt like to be Chris? No wonder he was such an unhappy person, determined to ruin it for everyone else too.
I took a few more sips and started typing and didn’t stop until I got it all out. I sent the piece off to my editors and poured another glass. What I needed was a long hot bubble bath, but even that didn’t have the appeal it usually did.
I plopped down onto the couch and admired my own little Christmas tree in the corner, trying not to start crying again. But nothing felt the same anymore. No family dinner to