smack someone, magic wrecks the bread,” he explained. “And in this case, the ovens. They could not contain the power of your enchantment.”
“Oh, you!” Tazadei blushed and giggled.
Master Gyrfahl didn’t bother trying to dissuade the lovely girl from her misinterpretation of his words. Instead he said: “If you’d like, I can disenchant you—”
“Just like a man,” Vendra muttered.
“—as soon as I return.” He turned on his heel and headed back into the bakeshop, only to find his way suddenly barred by Jilletta and the four warrior women.
“Where do you think you’re going?” the baker demanded.
“Breakfast,” the wizard said dryly. “I’m bringing bad news to the palace, and I refuse to do that on an empty stomach.”
“No you don’t,” Pej said, folding her arms. “You said you can fix Tazadei’s problem. You’re staying put until you do.”
“We’ll fetch you a meal from the nearest cookshop. The queen’s not home now anyway. She’s on a royal progress. She can wait for her bad news,” Vendra declared.
“Queen Kadua is the bad news,” the wizard countered.
He was not amused by the guffaws and exclamations of “I’ll say she is!” from the chainmail-deprived champions. “Oh, grow up! I’m carrying word that will bring war, destruction and chaos to this entire realm. So glad you think that’s a laughing matter!”
“All you’re carrying is a sack full of scrap metal and bones,” said Donya.
“Which used to be the famed elfin warrior, Sir Inesmus the Undefeated!” Master Gyrfahl shouted. And before the women could make the obvious remark about the inaptness of that hero’s epithet, he added, “Know now that a fiery-breathed dragon of uncommon size and viciousness awoke from his sleep of centuries with a parlous appetite. He emerged from his lair in the Mountains of Ibid, intercepted and devoured most of that royal progress you mention, and carried off the queen a fortnight ago. A lone survivor reached the palace under cover of night and informed the council, who promptly sent out word to every intrepid and discreet warrior they could find. I learned all this when Sir Inesmus stopped at the Abysmal Keep en route to rescuing your queen. He was the only one who thought it would help to have a wizard on his side.”
“Not so much, huh?” said Donya.
Master Gyrfahl gave her a poisonous look. “This dragon is half-fire elemental. I’ve never set my magic against the like. I couldn’t even get close to the beast, and when Sir Inesmus did—Well, you saw the results. That plate armor works better than an oven if you want to bake a hero. And he wasn’t the first extra-crispy corpse outside the monster’s lair—”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Naleesa raised her hands. “If the Royal Fathead was captured by a dragon, how come no one around here’s heard about it? This is the royal capitol, after all!”
“Because the council’s been keeping it quiet, partly to avoid panic, but mostly to keep the situation secret. If the rulers of neighboring kingdoms hear Kadua’s as good as dead, they’ll pounce on this realm like dogs on a dead gopher. They’ll fight your people and each other so viciously that there’ll be nothing left of your land but crumbs amid the ashes!”
“Too bad the crumbs won’t come from Tazadei’s little baking ‘accidents’,” Pej muttered bitterly. “Our conquerors would break their teeth.”
“Looks like we’ve got no choice.” Naleesa sighed. “We’ll have to kill the dragon and save the cow—I mean, the queen.”
“Dressed like this?” Vendra held up a fistful of her copious skirt.
“Well, we can’t do it wearing plate armor,” Donya said. “Not unless we want to end up like Sir Inesmus.”
“If we wear chainmail, we’ll end up dead anyway,” Pej said. “Remember the Decree of Decency! Do you want to wager your life on Kadua being grateful enough to grant us a royal pardon, or even a royal variance once we’ve saved her spotty skin?”
“If we do nothing, war will come and innocents will perish.”
“Hey, I’m a mercenary! Who’s going to pay for this?”
“I had to pawn my chainmail to survive.”
“I put on some weight, with all this enforced retirement, so I don’t know if I can still fit into—”
“How big is this dragon?”
“How do we know he hasn’t eaten Kadua already?”
“Naaaahhhh, when a dragon’s got heartburn, you hear about it.”
“Some things even a monster can’t stomach.”
“Good one!”
“Yeah, maybe I could get work as a freelance jester, do a little tour, hit all the major taverns—”
“Has anyone seen my sister?” Jilletta’s question cut through the swordswomen’s back-and-forth. Everyone looked around the