managed a weak smile. “Well, I decided she should be banished. We sent her away in a cargo crate on one of the Dwarf Miners’ smuggling ships.”
“This was fun.” Ash stretched her arms. “I just wish you would have let us go a few rounds with those guards.”
“They were only doing their jobs. Besides, what would father say if I let a gang of outlaw riders beat up his men?”
“Oh, I wanted some face-punching time with him, too,” said Ash. “How could he let your mother do that to you?”
“He didn’t know. And he’s been tired and weak for a long time. But without mother and her poisons around, he should recover.” Snow grabbed the hand mirror from her belt and studied her reflection. She pushed the thin, red headband higher on her brow. For now, she was only a prospective member of the Red Hoods, but Stepmama had no doubt she would soon earn her helm and cape.
Stepmama looked over her girls. They were still a far cry from the Red Hoods of old, but she imagined Grandma would have given them her blessing.
“Enough chatter. There’s a sleeping princess two kingdoms over who was imprisoned behind a hedge of thorns.”
“Oh, good.” Ash beamed. “I love jailbreaks.
Stepmama squeezed Nana into a gallop. “Let’s ride.”
Smackdown at Walmart
by Elizabeth A. Vaughan
I decided to take my twelve Sacred Ancient Chinese Warrior-Virgins to Walmart.
Yes, I am aware of the irony.
But how the hell else was I going to get them clothes? They couldn’t run around in those colorful silk gowns of theirs, cut tight enough to show every breath, but slit high enough on the sides to show their . . . assets. Not to mention the lack of underwear.
“Well, actually, they could.”
That would be Doctor McDougall, who’d patched me up in the ER after I was attacked by ninja rats, and then blew my mundane little world to pieces when he confirmed that magic existed, and that I wasn’t losing my mind. McDougall was watching me try to stuff all twelve of the girls into my recently repaired minivan.
Wan agreed with McDougall. “They present an esthetically pleasing appearance in their grace, prowess, and physical form. The clothing is practical and lovely, and allows them the freedom to move when they fight. I do not understand your concerns.”
That would be Wan, short for Wan Sui Ye, the talking Chinese mouse that caused me to think I was losing my mind in the first place. His name means “Lord of Ten Thousand Years,” a title given only to the Emperor of China.
He hasn’t explained his name.
I’ve not inquired further.
The girls scrambled into the van, squeezing their skinny butts into the seats and giggling amongst themselves, just like normal girls do. It was hard to gauge their ages, but all I really needed to know was “young and nubile.”
I fixed Wan with my patented “middle-aged-pre-menopausal-woman” stare. “They are getting proper clothing, and what would you know about the esthetics of human beauty?”
Wan blinked at me from his perch on my shoulder, clearly uncertain of my temper. “It will be as you say,” he said. “You are, after all, the Wise One, Bearer of the Scale, chosen of the Emperor Dragon, Lord of the Dragon Kings, Ruler of the Weather and the Waters of the World.”
As one, the twelve Sacred Ancient Chinese Warrior-Virgins all paused, placed their palms together, and bowed their heads to me.
I took a deep breath, still uncomfortable that they were sworn to my protection, since I’d been the Wise One for roughly forty-eight hours. Take a piece of advice, for what it’s worth. If someone shows you an ancient piece of jewelry, and if that said someone is a talking mouse, and if said jewelry was hidden in the hilt of his magic sword, don’t reach out and touch it.
Just sayin’.
Dr. McDougall raised one eyebrow at me. “This isn’t necessary, Kate. Shop online. It can wait a few days.”
“We are going shopping,” I said with as much dignity as I could, and closed the sliding door. “You are not helping,” I told McDougall as I closed the passenger door and headed to the driver’s side. I could hear my two white Westies barking inside the house; no way was I taking them on this little trip.
“This isn’t smart,” McDougall observed, that one damned handsome eyebrow still arching my way as he followed me around the van. “Your enemies are out there, including—”
“Come with us.” I attempted to arch my eyebrow back at him,