it was yesterday. Anyway, my mom gave me this tape. She said you have to go through the motions and let it all out.”
He follows by taking out a zip-lock bag full of miniature bottles of alcohol, then another bag full of chocolate bars. With a headphone placed in one ear, he clicks the button and presses play. I recognize the tune immediately as ‘I’m All Out of Love’ by Air Supply that blasts through the headphones.
Fuck, it hurts like hell.
I find myself singing along, out of tune, and when the pain strikes hard, the little bottle of gin numbs me, and the pain becomes a little less. But after a high, comes the fall which happens somewhere in Sinead O’Connor’s ‘Nothing Compares to You.’ Even Eric starts crying, and just when our tears seemed unstoppable, we lose ourselves in the chocolate and head on to the scotch. Now, the scotch seems to work wonders, using our gospel voices and over-dramatic hand gestures for ‘Hero’ by Mariah Carey, but then we hit rock bottom. Whitney Houston starts singing ‘I Will Always Love You.’
“Eric, I miss him. He said he loved me,” I openly cry.
“I know you do. I miss having him around, too. He does love you, Adriana.”
“Why did he leave me?”
Eric opens a bottle of vodka and hands it to me. “He’s got things to work through. It got hard. He’ll come back.”
I down the bottle in one go, letting out a rasp as the burn invades my throat. “You can’t promise that.”
“I swear on my vintage Chanel messenger bag he will return.”
“Eric, you can’t swear on that. You love that bag.”
“Okay, you’re right. I swear on my Armani loafers.”
“The crocodile skin ones?”
“Uh-huh.”
“You hate those shoes. You said they pinch your toes, and you’re worried that you’ll end up with a fungal toe, and people will make fun of you on the street.”
“Did I say that?”
“You did. Back to swearing on the bag.”
It may not have been the man I wanted in my bed tonight but snuggling into Eric’s side is second best.
I don’t cry tonight.
Instead, the nightmares plague me.
***
The next couple of days, I went through the motions just like Eric said. A major one was guilt. I may have been upset and drunk, but I had no right to call Charlie what I did.
With five days passing, I feel like shit for not contacting her sooner knowing that an apology is well-deserved. The best way to see her will be in her office, and Eric was quick to inform me that she would be at work tomorrow.
With Andy settled into daycare, I make my way across town to Charlie’s office.
I sit in front of her desk and wait for her to enter, fiddling my thumbs nervously as I cross my legs, ignoring the annoying twitch building up in my knees.
The office is small yet modern and posh. Eric’s mother had flown over from New York and decorated it in one day. She has connections across the country, and her style is modern sheik. Charlie’s office is mainly white with a feature wall covered in Damask fabric with a beautiful pattern. The black stands out amongst the white, and behind Charlie’s desk are shelves perfectly aligned with files, books, and pictures of her family. The desk in front of me is spotless, not a single speck of dust nor an item of stationery out of place. Lex and Charlie are both clean freaks. I don’t consider myself messy, but I’m not exactly going to have a meltdown if a pen is out of place.
A gust of wind enters the room followed by the click of heels. I turn around, and Charlie is walking toward me. At first, she doesn’t notice, busily carrying a laptop and several folders. The second she does, she freezes for a brief moment letting out a gasp almost dropping everything. Composing herself, she walks around and places everything on her desk.
“Hi, Charlie,” I greet her softly.
She acknowledges me with a lukewarm smile. I deserve it. Working in silence, she plugs the laptop into the docking station and takes a seat. I can’t help but notice her dark gray pantsuit. It fits her like a glove, joined with a crisp white fitted shirt. Charlie is naturally beautiful, and it’s blatantly obvious at this moment why my brother worships the ground she walks on. I’m tongue-tied, trying to find the right words.
Geez, I’ve had days to prepare my apology, and now I go blank.
This is starting